As soon as I discovered the genders of my sons, I found myself lost in thoughts about what to name them. The name for my first son came to me easily: Jacob, after my cherished maternal grandfather who had passed away a few years earlier. But choosing a middle name was trickier. I considered my paternal grandfather’s name, yet my husband was also keen on using his own grandfather’s name, with whom he had shared a special bond.
In a moment of naivety, I decided to share our name ideas with family. Everyone had something to say about the middle name—some were passionate, while others were quite emotional. I could understand their attachment to names associated with loved ones who had passed, but I was unprepared for the pressure from certain family members insisting on their favorites.
Ultimately, we settled on my husband’s grandfather’s name for the middle name. While we liked it, it also came down to the pressure and guilt that weighed on us. What I didn’t realize then was that this was merely a taste of the strong opinions that family members would have about our parenting choices—everything from feeding to sleeping, it felt like everyone had a say.
As time passed, I grew a thicker skin and became more confident in my parenting decisions. However, when it came time to name our second child, I made the same error of involving family in the discussion. Why hadn’t I learned from my previous experience?
This time, we weren’t considering names after anyone who had passed. We were looking for simple, classic names—no quirky options like Rocket or Moonbeam. We narrowed it down to names like Samuel, Charlie, and Peter. We were leaning towards Peter, especially since we enjoyed reading Peter Pan to our older son and had fond associations with the name.
But when we casually mentioned Peter as a frontrunner to our family, the reactions were mixed. While some were indifferent, others expressed strong dislike. Not just, “I’m not a fan,” but outright, “Please don’t name him that.” I didn’t even want to dig into why they felt this way. Overwhelmed by the negativity, I slipped away to the bathroom and cried.
In hindsight, I see how dramatic that seems, but in that moment, I knew deep down that our baby was meant to be a Peter. Hormones were running high, and that same night, my water broke, and labor began.
While the naming discussions didn’t overshadow my labor experience, they lingered in the back of my mind. I was still reeling from the strong disapproval voiced by family members regarding our name choice.
When my little one finally arrived, with his tiny features and adorable crooked smile, we affectionately called him “Peanut.” A short while later, our older son came in to meet his new brother. He asked what we had decided to name him, and when we revealed we hadn’t made a final choice, he looked at us incredulously. “His name is Peter,” he insisted.
That moment solidified our decision, and we happily named him Peter. As for the family members who had disapproved? Once he was born, they never brought it up again. The discussions ended once Peter was here, and there were no further debates.
I don’t hold any ill will towards my family for sharing their opinions; perhaps they could have been less insistent in their feedback. However, we were the ones who brought the names into the conversation, and although we didn’t explicitly ask for input, we should have anticipated it.
Ultimately, the decision on what to name your child—like many parenting choices—should rest solely with you and your partner (if applicable). In the grand scheme, no one else’s opinion truly matters. We’re not talking about naming our children anything outrageous or harmful; we’re simply discussing a name.
If I could turn back time, I would keep my mouth shut about my kids’ names, sharing absolutely nothing until after their arrival. Zero input from anyone else would have been ideal.
If you’re looking for inspiration for baby names without the pressure of outside opinions, check out resources from experts like Make a Mom or Parents, which provide excellent insights into the journey of parenthood.
Summary
Sharing my kids’ names with family before their birth turned out to be a regrettable decision. The pressure and strong opinions from relatives created unnecessary stress. I learned that naming your child is a deeply personal choice that should be reserved for the parents alone. Next time, I’ll keep the details to myself.
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