From the moment my son, Ethan, was nine months old, I sensed something was different. By the time he reached 17 months, I took the initiative to enroll him in feeding therapy and soon afterward sought early intervention services. Throughout this process, I often encountered comments like, “He’s just fine,” or “Boys develop at their own pace,” but as a healthcare professional and, more importantly, a mother, I knew there was more to consider.
Ethan will turn four this April, marking the same time that I have embraced the role of a mother. His autism diagnosis came shortly after his second birthday, so while I’m still on this journey, I’ve learned a few important lessons worth sharing.
1. Take a Deep Breath
It’s interesting how frequently we hear the advice to breathe. We’re reminded of it during childbirth, waiting for that first precious breath from our newborn. Then comes the moment when you receive an autism diagnosis for your child. It’s essential to breathe. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up. Cry, grieve, and then breathe again. There are still days when I find myself grieving in some form.
I also have a neurotypical toddler, Max, who seems to hit every milestone effortlessly. It can be challenging to celebrate those achievements without feeling a pang of grief for Ethan, not because our lives are sad, but because I know his path may always be more difficult. I remind myself to breathe through those moments.
2. The Struggles of Autism are Greater for My Child
Ethan is non-verbal and often struggles to express what he needs. I sometimes find myself feeling frustrated when I can’t decipher his non-verbal cues. Writing this, I feel embarrassed for those moments of irritation because I can only imagine how hard it must be for Ethan to communicate his needs.
During those meltdowns that test my patience, I realize I’m not the one truly struggling. It’s Ethan who is overwhelmed, over-stimulated, and unable to express his feelings. It’s crucial to remember that Ethan is the one facing these challenges, not me.
3. Embrace the Process
Every step of this journey is a process. Seeking evaluations, waiting for services, and witnessing your child’s growth all take time. It’s vital to accept this process, as it can lessen the burden on you.
A fellow parent recently reached out for advice on feeding therapy. I proudly shared that Ethan graduated from feeding therapy after two long years. Initially, he struggled with even stage one baby food, and by 17 months, it became a behavioral issue. Today, he can enjoy pizza and cake at birthday parties with his peers. This joy wouldn’t have been possible without enduring the process.
4. Cherish the Parenting Moments
Sometimes I feel like I’m on a wild ride through a dark tunnel filled with distractions. Thoughts about ABA therapy, speech sessions, and dietary considerations flood my mind. In the chaos, I often forget to enjoy simply being a parent.
Yet, there are moments when Ethan and Max laugh and play together, and I crave those experiences. I refuse to miss out on those precious times because I’m preoccupied with appointments. At the end of the day, I return to that initial moment of breathing, listening to Ethan as he sleeps. I wonder about his dreams and remind myself to be present.
In conclusion, while my experience as a parent of a child with special needs is still evolving, I have discovered the importance of breathing, understanding the greater challenges faced by my child, embracing the lengthy processes, and cherishing the small moments.
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