The moment I realized that my child was that child marked a significant shift in my journey as a mother. It was the day I began to feel a twinge of embarrassment over my daughter’s behavior and questioned whether there was something amiss with her—or with me, the one who brought her into this world and is responsible for guiding her toward being a kind person.
It was an ordinary day, filled with familiar routines. We were hosting a playdate at our home with friends we had known for ages. My 5-year-old daughter and her 4-year-old friend were zipping around the couch in a game of tag. When my daughter, assigned the role of “it,” found herself unable to catch her friend, she dramatically flopped to the ground, pouting and on the verge of tears, exclaiming, “I can’t catch you! You have to slow down! You have to! I won’t play anymore if you don’t!” I sighed, as I often do during these moments, glancing at her cheerful friend, and that’s when it hit me hard: My daughter is not easy to like.
This incident was not an isolated one. Such outbursts are a common occurrence. Whether she’s alone, with her siblings, or with friends—at home or out in public—my daughter often assumes the role of the bossy one. She’s the one who creates a scene at the store, crying loudly over a gymnastics leotard that we don’t even need since we don’t do gymnastics! Her emotions can swing wildly, and she often exhibits behaviors I thought were reserved for toddlers: quick to cry, yell, and throw tantrums. She can be rude, selfish, and demanding, not to mention overly protective of her toys. If things don’t go her way, she becomes impossible.
I don’t want to label her, but let’s face it: she is spirited, strong-willed, and—if I’m being honest—a bit of a brat. Every interaction outside our home feels like navigating a minefield, and I never know when she might explode.
As a mother who tends to be a people-pleaser, this is particularly challenging. I strive to be kind, generous, and easy to get along with, yet I find myself wishing my daughter shared those traits. People told me that things would improve as she grew out of her toddler phase, but for us, that hasn’t happened. She just cries louder and uses bigger words now.
Comparing her to her peers only reinforces the fact that my determined, independent diva stands out—often not in a good way. I want to embrace her uniqueness, but I wish she could be a bit more like your child, who is sweet and easy-going.
So, to those who encounter my darling daughter, please know that if you find it hard to like her, I understand. I often struggle with it myself. Despite that, I love her fiercely, recognizing her potential and strengths. I see how she tries to make her baby brother laugh, the gentleness she shows to our small dog, and how she can confidently enter a room full of strangers while most kids cling to their parents. I cherish the moments when she whispers “I love you” to her little sister, introduces herself to strangers, and bravely asks new playmates to be friends. And yes, I receive countless hugs, kisses, and adorable drawings of me as a beautiful princess.
But you? You may only get a fleeting glance of her charm. Instead, you might spend your time dealing with her sharp comments, refereeing her demands for toys, or covering your ears against her cries. I apologize for that. I’m trying my best, and I hope she is too. On good days, I see her hold her tongue to avoid saying something inappropriate, which gives me hope that she will grow into a person of character and integrity.
Perhaps one day, the thought of a playdate won’t fill me with dread. In the meantime, feel free to encourage your children to stand up to her. Let them assert themselves for the toys they want or even to win games she insists on dominating. I would never admit this openly, but I wouldn’t mind if they gave her a little shove to help her learn. My daughter needs friends, but she also needs to be challenged. My attempts at guidance may have fallen short, but perhaps peer pressure could help her grow.
A mother can dream, right?
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Summary:
This article reflects on the challenges of parenting a spirited child who is difficult to like at times. The author shares personal experiences of embarrassment and frustration while also acknowledging the redeeming qualities of her daughter. Despite wishing for more agreeable behavior, the author remains hopeful for her child’s growth and encourages others to help teach her resilience.
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