Lifestyle
Navigating Menopause at 34
“You’re too young to be dealing with cancer.”
I know, and I’m also too young to face menopause. At just 34, I’ve had an overwhelming amount of radiation, more than enough to push me into menopause. Now, I find myself contemplating whether it’s time to buy those senior multivitamins from the store.
“On the bright side, you won’t have periods anymore.”
True, but the absence of my menstrual cycle means my hopes of expanding my family are dashed. The urgency to start treatment was paramount; my doctor didn’t discuss fertility options. The message was clear: treatment would lead me into menopause. Even if we had considered preserving fertility, it didn’t feel like a real option. I faced the daunting choice of coughing up a fortune for a slim chance at having more children or delaying treatment, risking the spread of cancer.
I had only just welcomed my first child, and the thought of being done with having kids was hard to swallow. It was more than just that; it was about losing my autonomy in the decision-making.
Despite my situation, I still cling to my menstrual supplies, much like someone holding onto jeans that no longer fit, harboring a hope that they might one day. They remain tucked away in the back of my linen closet, gathering dust.
“Well, at least you have one child.”
I am incredibly grateful for my son. He is my lifeline, my reason to keep pushing forward. However, every time I hear about someone else’s pregnancy, my heart aches. I feel a mix of happiness for them and a deep sadness for myself. It’s challenging to reconcile such conflicting emotions.
Trying to be thankful doesn’t lessen my sorrow or erase my dreams of having a larger family. During my pregnancy, I envisioned having both a son and a daughter. The image of that daughter lingered with me, especially when I faced the uncertainty of my health. I can’t leave this world yet; I still need to have a daughter.
“You could always consider adoption.”
Maybe my daughter is out there waiting for me. But witnessing the emotional challenges of adoption, I realize I’m not prepared for that journey just yet. Some days, I struggle just to keep up with my son, and I question whether I could manage more children. I also wonder if my marriage could withstand the pressures of the adoption process. It’s already been stretched thin.
In the meantime, I hold onto the belief expressed by another mother battling cancer: “The right people will find their way into our family when the time is right. I truly believe our family isn’t complete yet.”
If you’re interested in understanding more about home insemination, check out our insightful article. For a broader understanding of pregnancy, March of Dimes offers fantastic resources. And if you’re considering methods for starting a family at home, look into the At-Home Insemination Kit.
Summary
Navigating menopause at a young age can be overwhelming, especially when it comes to family planning. The loss of fertility options due to cancer treatment adds emotional weight to the experience. While gratitude for existing children remains, the dreams of a larger family can lead to conflicting emotions. The belief that the right people will eventually come into our lives provides a glimmer of hope amidst the challenges.
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