Parenting
By Sarah Thompson
I have a little boy who adores princesses. His favorite is Elsa, but he also has a soft spot for Belle and Moana. He wraps himself in his cozy white fleece blanket—the one he’s had since he was a baby—and proclaims, “Look at me, Mommy. I’m Elsa. I’m unique.”
What he means is that he’s not the Elsa wearing a purple cape at the start of the film. Instead, he’s the Elsa who has embraced her true self, transformed into her stunning ice gown. He identifies with the moment when Anna tells her, “Elsa, you’ve changed. You’re different.” Yes, Elsa is different, and so is my son. They both defy societal expectations.
I feel a swell of pride at his creativity and enthusiasm, but it’s accompanied by an unsettling worry. As he dances around in his imaginary world, singing “Let it Go,” I can’t help but feel a pang in my stomach. He’s so perfect and full of passion, but he’s also so vulnerable to the harshness of the world outside.
I know that judgment will come. People will mock him for loving Elsa and the enchanting ice gown that he longs for every time we stroll through the Disney aisle at Target. Each time he asks for it, I hesitate, unsure of how to respond. I don’t want to encourage him only to see him hurt later, yet I refuse to dissuade him from being himself. Either choice leads to pain.
I’ve witnessed friends embrace their uniqueness only to face cruelty from a society that imposes rigid expectations. Conversely, I’ve seen others suppress their true selves only to suffer from self-hatred and fear. So how do I guide him?
The reality is painful no matter how I approach it, all because society insists on fitting individuals into narrow categories. It expects boys to be enamored with trucks and girls to love glitter and tutus. That’s the norm.
It’s ironic, given that society often spouts slogans about being yourself: “Be Yourself. Express Yourself. Break the Mold.” But these messages ring hollow. Society only celebrates individuality when it aligns with gender norms.
Being true to oneself can be especially tough for boys who are drawn to things labeled as “girl” interests. Little girls who enjoy sports or climbing trees are often supported, but boys face judgment for liking princesses or pink. There’s no positive term like “tomboy” for boys who enjoy traditionally feminine activities.
Recently, my son has begun questioning his preferences. He’s asked me, “Mommy, are pink and purple girl colors?” Each time it breaks my heart. “No, boys can wear pink and purple too. Anyone can wear those colors. Daddy’s football team wears purple, right? And they’re all men.” He nods in agreement, but I can feel the weight of society’s expectations creeping in.
“I’m Elsa, and I’m unique,” he says, spinning in his blanket once more. I think about Elsa’s journey—how she was forced to hide her true self until it almost led to her destruction. I refuse to let that happen to my sweet, passionate boy. If he loves princesses, pink, Peppa Pig, and Strawberry Shortcake, then I will support him wholeheartedly.
Ultimately, this choice may hurt us both. I know his innocence will be challenged one day, and that knowledge pains me. But I believe it’s far less damaging than teaching him to despise who he is and how he feels.
I don’t know whether my son will continue to cherish princesses as he grows older. He might be a teenager who still loves them or a man who does. Regardless, that’s acceptable. For now, he revels in his love for princesses and pink, and that is perfectly fine.
I love my son, and I truly believe that love is the antidote to hate. We must first love ourselves. So, when he asks for an Elsa gown for Christmas, my response must be, “Of course.” I will show him that it’s all right to be who he is—better than all right. He is unique, and Elsa would be proud.
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Summary
This article discusses the challenges parents face when their sons embrace interests that defy societal norms, particularly in relation to gender expectations. The author expresses pride in her son’s love for princesses while grappling with the fear of societal judgment. Ultimately, the piece advocates for supporting children in their authentic selves, regardless of societal pressures.
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