My so-called training for motherhood was packed with advice, both asked for and not, about the transition from a baby bump to an actual infant. However, one critical aspect of this journey was glaringly absent from all the conversations: the overwhelming loss of privacy that comes with being a mom. Perhaps the seasoned mothers who guided my “motherhood training” were too preoccupied with their own little ones tugging at them to take a moment to share this tidbit, or maybe they just overlooked it altogether.
I like to think they left out this little nugget of wisdom because I seemed so confident heading into motherhood. After all, I had done my homework through countless books and courses on child development, making me a prime candidate for a lighthearted initiation. Thankfully, my fellow moms didn’t abandon me to navigate this new world alone. But when I mentioned the constant struggle for even five minutes of solitude, their responses were dripping with sarcasm. “Oh, you seem to have it all figured out from your classes and books. I’m sure I couldn’t possibly add anything!” they would quip. Touché, fellow mothers.
I knew I had truly joined “the mom club” when I found myself pretending to indulge in a bath just to sneak in some French fries without the interruption of tiny hands grabbing for my food. Yes, I actually did take a bath, but I won’t deny that my primary mission was fueled by a potato and ketchup craving.
It seems I’m not alone in employing some stealthy tactics to carve out a moment of peace. After chatting with some friends, I learned they too have their own little secrets. For instance, one confessed, “I eat in my car before going home to avoid sharing. Sometimes I even hide Girl Scout cookies in the freezer and sneak them out one by one, because my kids have an uncanny knack for sniffing them out.”
Another friend admitted, “I’ve snuck treats into the house like they’re contraband—cookies, chips, you name it. I’ve got a stash in my closet and I eat them behind a locked bedroom door, often with music playing to drown out any noise. Trash day is my ally too; I ‘check’ the trash can so I can discreetly discard some of the endless holiday candy, a handful at a time.” She humorously added, “If we’re lucky enough to have leftovers, I’ll pile my plate high and let my husband think the kids devoured it all.”
After a candid conversation with my friends, I felt less guilty about buying my son shortbread cookies while treating myself to two packs for every one he got. It hit me: motherhood doesn’t have to be riddled with guilt; rather, it’s peppered with little secrets.
Keeping little humans alive can feel like an exhausting endeavor that drains you completely. There’s nothing wrong with having those small indulgences to recharge. Interestingly, I discovered that some of my friends hadn’t even shared how stunning motherhood can be. In a peculiar way, it’s heartwarming to realize that your children want to be with you all the time; it’s a testament to the love they feel. Watching their eager faces as they beg for your food brings a sense of pride knowing you played a part in their lives.
Reflecting on the stories from my mom friends reminded me that some aspects of motherhood are simply too intricate for words. Sure, sneaking fries in the bathtub is a little amusing and perhaps something I should have been warned about, but it pales in comparison to the joys of motherhood. If it takes a few sneaky snacks to be the best mom possible, then so be it. After all, they don’t count them first anyway!
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