A few weeks ago, my son’s school principal reached out to inform me that he had been involved in a fight. She explained that he had been hit in the face and wasn’t looking his best. Fortunately, he was alright, but she wanted me to be aware. She also insisted that I come to pick him up immediately. He’d been hurt, and since he had retaliated against an older kid by causing a minor injury, he would be facing consequences. The principal had reviewed the surveillance footage and acknowledged that my son was acting in self-defense, but the school policy dictated that he should have just run away from the situation.
Run away?
According to my son, in the crowded school hallway, there’s often nowhere to escape when a confrontation arises. Kids gather quickly, and finding a clear path to safety is nearly impossible. I understand that the school’s approach is designed to maintain safety, but I can’t recall ever speaking to a parent who would condone their child simply standing there and accepting a beating until help arrives. And I certainly don’t know anyone who would advise their child to endure inappropriate behavior without defending themselves.
Fortunately, two teachers arrived promptly to break up the altercation, and it ended swiftly. My son didn’t hit back because he didn’t want to face further consequences, although he felt the temptation. This older boy had been threatening him for days, and my son had hoped it would all just fade away, but it didn’t.
Not everyone may agree with my viewpoint on this matter, but I firmly believe in teaching my children to stand their ground, not to be doormats, and to establish healthy boundaries. While I don’t endorse violence as a solution to conflicts or disagreements, I absolutely instruct my kids to defend themselves if they’re being harmed.
In my view, running away can make a child a target. If someone knows you’ll retreat, they may feel emboldened. If I tell my kids to just stand there and take it, where does that end? Will they endure being punched before class? Will they allow someone to cross inappropriate boundaries without response? At what point does it become acceptable to defend oneself?
In situations where their personal space is invaded, or when they’re being bullied, I believe self-defense is justified. My goal is to instill a sense of empowerment in my kids; they should know they have the right to fight back if their boundaries are crossed. It’s about teaching them to use physical force as a last resort, not as a first option. Knowing they can stand up for themselves gives us both peace of mind.
So yes, my child might hit yours if they feel threatened or scared — and I wholeheartedly support that decision.
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Summary:
This article discusses a parent’s perspective on teaching children to defend themselves in the face of bullying or physical threats. It highlights the importance of setting boundaries and empowering kids to stand up for themselves while acknowledging the complexities of school policies surrounding physical altercations.
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