Updated: July 13, 2020
Originally Published: March 15, 2018
I have a confession: my children enjoy playing first-person shooter games. Admitting this makes me feel a bit conflicted as a parent. I advocate for gun control and have always been against the idea of violent play. I remember being shocked when I saw children pretending to shoot each other with toy guns in the park. One day, I witnessed a boy transform a balloon sword into a balloon gun, which led his grandmother to remark, “I never let my son play with guns, and now he’s a cop.” That moment made me reconsider, prompting me to hand my then 3-year-old a balloon sword-turned-gun right then and there.
Fast forward twelve years and I find myself navigating a world filled with Nerf guns and video games. While I never actively promoted gun play or gaming, I also haven’t entirely condemned them. As long as my boys—now aged 10 and 15—aren’t hurting each other, I allow them the freedom to enjoy their toy weaponry and gaming experiences just as freely as they do their bikes and sports. To ease my conscience, I’ll clarify that they are only permitted to play games rated “E 10+” or “Teen.” This means no excessive violence, no blood, no sexual content, and no strong language, although they would likely just think it was me talking.
What began with simple pixelated bows and arrows has now progressed into hyper-realistic depictions of various weapons. I find it both alarming and impressive that my sons can name a wide range of armaments. I know, this sounds quite concerning. To further complicate matters, we belong to a charter school community that discourages electronic media usage. While this perspective is prevalent, I know many families who monitor their children’s screen time to varying degrees. We are not alone in our gaming habits, but for some, even games like Minecraft are deemed too violent.
Personally, I miss the days when Minecraft was the most contentious topic. As a mother who once vowed to only allow my kids to engage with media I had personally vetted, I now find myself longing for those simplistic games. In this complicated world, we often find ourselves justifying lesser evils.
I understand why first-person shooter games are so appealing; they offer thrilling adventures and a platform for social interaction, especially among teenagers. Being part of a virtual team can be just as exhilarating as real-life interactions. Of course, my children could find similar thrills without the shooting element, but it seems that isn’t as exciting for them.
I often stand by, hands on hips, watching them play. They enthusiastically explain the dynamics of the game to me, and I can’t help but feel like a hypocrite. I promote peace and love, yet my children are engaging in virtual battles. What should I do? Unplug the console? Limit their gaming to family-friendly titles?
The truth is, my kids are so immersed in the gaming culture that it would seem hypocritical to suddenly restrict them from participating in something that is so widely accepted. Their engagement with video games has become a significant part of their social lives.
Ultimately, I have to remind myself that they are good kids. They are kind, thoughtful, and perform well academically. They do their chores (most of the time), are great friends, and still enjoy outdoor play and board games. They possess a solid sense of common sense. It appears that what happens in the gaming world stays there, and they have learned to separate their gaming from real life.
Is it possible I’m simply assuaging my guilt about allowing them to engage with these games? Perhaps. Am I disregarding my responsibility as a parent by permitting them to experience virtual violence? I hope not. I believe that my kids are inherently good. However, we all have that instinctive thought: “Not my child!” The question remains, where do we draw the line?
I’ve shared my concerns about real-life gun violence and gun safety with my boys, and they’ve shown understanding and empathy. They reassure me with words like, “It’s okay, Mommy, we know it’s not real.” While I acknowledge they may be appeasing me, I genuinely want to believe them. I continue to feel uneasy given the current state of gun violence in our society. I remain vigilant, enforce limits on their gaming time, and engage with them in various activities, from puzzles to cooking meals. I still hope they’ll join me in building something in Minecraft.
In summary, navigating the world of video games and parenting is challenging. I strive to find a balance between allowing my children the freedom to play and ensuring they understand the distinctions between gaming and reality. My goal is to raise conscientious, well-rounded individuals, all while navigating my own feelings of hypocrisy and concern.
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