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When You Realize You’ve Become a Lenient Parent and Things Have Spiraled Out of Control
by Sarah Thompson
Updated: March 18, 2018
Originally Published: March 18, 2018
If I were to outline my parenting aspirations, they would be akin to the Goldilocks principle. I’m neither a strict “Tiger Mom” nor an overly involved “Helicopter Parent.” While I maintain a relatively relaxed approach to many aspects of parenting, I wouldn’t categorize myself as a “Free-Range Parent” either.
I strive for balance. Or at least that’s the goal. But, if I’m being honest, I sometimes find myself being quite lenient. My children are allowed to jump on the couch and play ball indoors. I don’t impose strict rules against swearing—unless it’s hurtful—and I’m not overly concerned about screen time limits. Given my own fondness for sweets, our pantry is stocked with an endless supply of snacks.
Our home is undoubtedly a lively and enjoyable environment… until it’s not.
Eventually, my typically sweet kids morph into little terrors. They whine about not having ice cream after dinner and insist that five hours of video games is barely sufficient. Their behavior shifts from playful to irritable, and my husband and I exchange exasperated glances, silently questioning who these little monsters are.
That’s when I realize I’ve crossed the line into full-on Lenient Parenting.
Regular bedtimes become flexible until they vanish entirely. An occasional treat after dinner escalates into a free-for-all of sugary snacks. My relaxed stance on swearing and screen time gradually transforms my children into rambunctious little zombies.
Now, let me clarify: this isn’t due to laziness. I might be many things, but lazy isn’t one of them. Lenient Parenting arises not from a lack of care but from the chaos of daily life. Between work commitments and unplanned hours spent in front of the TV, time slips away. My husband and I often have the best intentions to enjoy fun family outings—dining at restaurants, movie nights, spontaneous trips to amusement centers. Or I might be stress-eating chocolate bars and feel hypocritical enforcing strict rules about treats for my kids.
Regardless of the trigger, when Lenient Parent takes over, the outcomes are seldom positive. My children swiftly shift from sweet and spirited to whiny, loud, and spoiled.
I don’t want to be the disciplinary parent, but I’m prepared to take on the role of “Mean Mom” when necessary. The challenge arises when “Mean Mom” only appears after Lenient Parent has lost all control, and my kids are binging on candy and chips while watching movies way past bedtime. Just kidding—sort of.
Reining in the Lenient Parent phase is never enjoyable, and it often leads to a temporary withdrawal from our previously indulgent lifestyle. Bedtimes are reinstated, the gaming console is shut down, and junk food is stashed away.
In time, we return to a semblance of normalcy. The kids gradually become more rested, less irritable, and better behaved. I adjust my approach, embracing the occasional “Mean Mom” persona. We settle back into a healthier, albeit slightly less entertaining routine.
If you’ve found yourself in a similar situation, don’t fret. Being a Lenient Parent doesn’t equate to being a “bad” or lazy parent; it’s simply a reflection of love and flexibility that occasionally slips into chaos. Rest assured, you’re not inflicting permanent damage or raising entitled children, and you can certainly regain control (even if it involves some whining and a significant sugar withdrawal).
You’ll rediscover your parenting rhythm, and balance will be restored.
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Summary
This article explores the challenges of becoming a lenient parent and recognizing when boundaries have been crossed. It emphasizes the importance of balance in parenting, the inevitability of slipping into leniency, and the necessary steps to regain control and restore a healthy family environment.
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