Recently, my son excitedly shared that he had become a finalist in the school’s Geography Bee. He expressed his nerves and reluctance to participate, stating, “I’m not going to win, so I just feel like not doing it.”
I can relate to his feelings all too well. Even at my current age of 42, I still grapple with similar emotions, despite knowing better. The challenge lies in instilling self-confidence in him, encouraging him to give his best effort regardless of the outcome. This is no simple task, but I want to ensure that my children don’t feel overwhelmed by pressure to the point where it detracts from their enjoyment of activities.
I advised my son to focus on me during the event and to simply do his best, reassuring him that I would be proud of him regardless of the result. He took my advice, though it was clear he was wrestling with the desire to excel. Ultimately, he didn’t win, but he persevered through the experience, and I hope he found some enjoyment in it despite his initial apprehensions. While he considers himself an average kid, I am determined that he never equates that with a lack of ability or the fear of failure. I will never let him feel that I am disappointed because he doesn’t always come out on top.
In truth, all three of my children fall into the average category—they occasionally make the honor roll but have to put in significant effort to achieve it. School doesn’t come easily for them, and while high honors might be a possibility in the future, it’s not guaranteed. They participate in various sports and clubs, sometimes shining in their performances, but often not.
They are not standout athletes, nor do they excel academically. I proudly parent three wonderfully average kids, and they seem to be perfectly fine with that. There are moments when I wish for them to excel in certain areas, believing it could bolster their self-esteem, naturally, as any mother would.
I also experience frustration when I sense they could be putting in more effort, echoing my own experiences in school where I lacked interest and never found a sport I was passionate about enough to pursue. Yet, despite my own academic and athletic mediocrity, I turned out alright, and I believe my kids will too.
A few years back, I witnessed a fellow parent coaching his son’s basketball team. His son was the star player, seemingly flawless on the court. However, after the game, I overheard the father harshly reprimanding him for perceived mistakes. It was disheartening to observe and made me wonder if the boy loved basketball for the joy of the game or out of fear of disappointing his father. That level of pressure is simply too much to place on a child, in my view.
Our children should not be criticized for being average; they deserve acceptance and encouragement. We can motivate them to strive for their best, but we must not impose unrealistic expectations that could harm their self-esteem. Remember, the goal of parenting is not to fulfill our ambitions through our children; they are individuals with their own paths.
I never want my kids to feel that my pride in them hinges on their performance, whether it’s a missed basket in a game or a wrong answer during a Geography Bee. I am proud of their courage to compete and of their efforts. So yes, I am a proud parent of three beautiful, very average kids. My love for them is unwavering, regardless of their report cards or athletic achievements.
What truly matters to me is their happiness, kindness, and willingness to try. They know this because I remind them consistently. Average kids can grow into remarkable individuals too.
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In summary, it’s important to accept and embrace the average nature of our children. By fostering a supportive environment, we can help them grow into their best selves without the burden of unrealistic expectations.
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