Parenting Insights
“I can’t sleep.”
“My tummy hurts.”
“Can you check my closet?”
“Can I sleep with you tonight?”
Does this sound familiar? If so, you are certainly not alone—nor is your child. Many children experience anxiety around separation, meeting new people, or even attending their first sleepover. While most toddlers typically outgrow these phases, some children may endure prolonged sleep issues that manifest in various distressing behaviors.
I learned this lesson the hard way. It took me a while to recognize that my daughter, Lily, was struggling on a much deeper level than typical childhood fears. At first, I dismissed her nighttime anxieties as mere tantrums or common fears of the dark. However, after enduring countless sleepless nights and emotional turmoil, I realized something was seriously wrong.
It’s estimated that about 12 percent of children experience separation anxiety disorder by the age of 18. While this might not seem like a large number, it’s significant enough to warrant discussion. There should be more awareness and resources for parents to distinguish typical behavior from more serious issues. Just as you know what to look for in flu symptoms, there should be clear guidelines for recognizing anxiety in children.
For a time, my job required me to travel frequently, which intensified Lily’s distress when I was away. I’ll never forget the heart-wrenching phone calls filled with her tears and desperate pleas for me to return home. This situation added immense pressure on my husband, Mark, who struggled to manage her morning meltdowns, leading to feelings of guilt and helplessness on both our parts.
Things started to improve when I was home more often, providing stability for Lily. However, this reprieve was short-lived. She began refusing invitations for playdates, expressing fears that made her feel trapped at school, and exhibited intense reactions to changes in routine. It became clear that her anxiety was not subsiding; in fact, it was escalating.
After years of relatively normal sleep, Lily suddenly began resisting bedtime. Initially, we attributed it to nightmares but soon realized it was far more complicated. She was plagued by fears of fires, intruders, and potential dangers to her brother. Our attempts at reasoning fell flat, and soon we sought professional help.
We explored different therapeutic options, including counseling. Surprisingly, the return of her stomachaches and anxiety about school signaled she was still battling her fears. Our household, once filled with laughter, now felt heavy with tension and exhaustion.
We tried various strategies to help Lily cope, from establishing a calming bedtime routine to incorporating relaxation techniques. Yet, nothing seemed to alleviate her anxiety. It became evident that we needed more expertise than we could provide.
Finding a skilled therapist was a turning point. Lily was eager to engage in sessions, and the therapist introduced strategies to help her articulate her fears. We learned to address her “What Ifs” methodically, discussing the unlikelihood of her worst fears materializing. Drawing her feelings and naming her fears helped create distance between Lily and her anxiety.
One particularly effective tool was the therapist recording a calming meditation for Lily. This personalized resource served as a reminder of how to manage her anxiety during restless nights. Gradually, we established a goal and reward system that empowered Lily to take control of her sleep challenges.
As she began to manage her fears, the progress was remarkable. She even successfully navigated a sleepover, a significant milestone for her. Recently, she returned from a three-week service trip, meeting new people and embracing challenges with newfound confidence.
In summary, understanding the roots of childhood anxiety can transform parental approaches to common sleep disturbances. With the right support and strategies, children can learn to navigate their fears, leading to healthier sleep patterns and emotional well-being. For more insights on handling similar challenges, you might find this resource on pregnancy invaluable.
For those interested in fertility and family planning, check out this post for helpful information.
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