All we desire is to welcome a son into our family. We have expressed interest in adopting a teenage boy, ideally between the ages of 15 and 16. As a high school teacher, my husband appreciates this age group, and we recognize the urgent need for families for teens who are at risk of aging out of the foster care system. According to data from the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System, as of September 2015, there were over 111,000 children in the U.S. awaiting adoption, with 19% in the 13-18 age bracket.
We’re open to adopting a boy of any race, as we are committed to understanding and navigating the complexities of parenting children from diverse backgrounds. Given that our state has a significant number of adoptable children, we expected a smooth process. However, that has not been the case.
The financial implications of preparing for our homestudy—an evaluation to ensure our home is suitable for an adoptive child—have been overwhelming. Fortunately, I have a well-paying side job in addition to being a stay-at-home parent. While it is essential to demonstrate fitness as a parent, as outlined in Lifting the Veil, the numerous policies and procedures seem to complicate rather than facilitate the creation of loving homes.
Financial Hurdles
Take, for instance, the requirement for windows. All bedrooms must have windows that open to a minimum of 5 square feet for safety reasons. Our one-story home has windows that barely meet that requirement, and we face two costly options: replace them or install interconnected wireless smoke alarms. After consulting with the state fire marshal, we opted for the alarms, spending nearly $250. These alarms are so sensitive they go off whenever I cook, which is less than convenient.
Additionally, all windows must be unobstructed, leading us to spend hundreds on remodeling our master bedroom to comply with this rule.
Pet vaccinations are another hurdle. Although we keep our dogs up to date, the health department requires detailed vaccination records for every pet, leading to significant veterinary costs—over $400 just to ensure compliance.
We also had to undergo physicals for every family member. After a mix-up with my physical form, I found myself needing to repeat the process. This involved co-pays for three children and three adults, plus a current TB test. I even had to schedule a pricey appointment with my psychiatrist to obtain a letter confirming my medication compliance—no evaluation required, just a confirmation that I take my prescribed medications.
Moreover, all medications must be securely locked away. With seven to eight prescription medications daily, plus over-the-counter items for my husband’s asthma and allergies, we needed two large toolboxes—an expense that was unavoidable, as proper lockboxes can cost around $160 each. Finding an Advil now requires not only the key but also searching through a toolbox under my bed.
Social services also mandates that all cleaning supplies and chemicals be secured, even though our soon-to-be son is too old for such precautions. We had to buy baby-proofing supplies, which have skyrocketed in price since we last purchased them.
If we weren’t fortunate enough financially, we might have abandoned this dream long ago. This doesn’t even account for the basic necessities like a new mattress, bedding, desk, or other items for his bedroom, nor does it include the costs associated with reconfiguring our existing children’s rooms to make space. The time spent coordinating with social workers and the gas for multiple trips to ensure documents are physically handed over only adds to the stress.
Emotional Toll
All this can be disheartening. I often feel overwhelmed, especially after losing important paperwork. Yet, I hold onto the belief that our son is out there, waiting for a family. It pains me to think that, like 14% of kids in foster care, he may be stuck in a group home, feeling unwanted. I yearn to bring him home, whoever he may be. Every rule and financial hurdle adds to the time he feels without a family, without a place to belong.
If we were less financially stable, we would have likely given up when faced with the requirement for interconnected alarms. I know many loving families abandon the process because of these stringent regulations and the complicated bureaucracy. Children need homes, and we must work to make adoption easier.
For additional insights into adoption from foster care, consider visiting Make a Mom, a site filled with valuable resources.
In summary, the financial and emotional hurdles of adopting a child from foster care are immense. While the desire to provide a loving home is strong, the bureaucratic requirements can be daunting. However, the hope of welcoming a child into our family keeps us motivated, even amid the challenges.
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