Does anyone have tips for making mom friends who aren’t out to sell you something, judge your choices, or critique your parenting methods? I certainly don’t.
Just recently, I thought I might have made a mom friend. We struck up a conversation at the local playground and exchanged Facebook information, albeit in a rather awkward manner. It’s not every day that I meet another mom and genuinely feel a connection. Either she’ll become my new best friend, or we’ll never talk again. But let’s be real—I’ll probably end up “liking” her kid’s wedding photos in 20 years via social media.
Why is forming friendships with other moms so challenging? It feels a lot like dating, but instead of romantic dinners and flirtation, there’s just confusion and tons of awkward moments. Perhaps it’s just me, but after years of motherhood, I still haven’t figured out how to transition from stranger to friend without making a total fool of myself.
It’s not that I lack friends; I have several wonderful ones who have likely endured my “foot-in-mouth” syndrome more times than I can count. Bless their hearts.
For instance, I once befriended someone after a few too many glasses of wine. I looked her in the eye and boldly proclaimed, “We are going to be friends!” It worked out, but let’s just say I wasn’t exactly on my A-game.
Here’s how my attempts at friendship usually unfold:
Initial Contact
We exchange shy smiles while watching our kids play on the swings. Perhaps she glances at the scattered goldfish crackers on the ground. There’s a flicker of recognition as our children run together.
The Approach
We’ve acknowledged each other, and she seems open to conversation. I take a tentative step forward: “I love your shoes/stroller/diaper bag.” Is this the beginning of something special? Now it’s time for my tried-and-true opener—“How old is your child?”
When another mother inquires about your child’s age, it’s basically an invitation for deeper conversation. Don’t miss this chance!
The Conversation
Now, the pressure is on! This initial chat is crucial—both of us are sizing each other up, trying to figure out if we’re on the same parenting wavelength. Do we have shared values? Is she a potential “stage 5 clinger”?
Assessing Compatibility
Before diving deeper, I’m on the lookout for any red flags. Is she the type who only feeds her kids kale and dandelion stems? I know we’re not supposed to judge, but I can’t see myself exchanging information with someone who might spend the next decade trying to “fix” my lifestyle or sell me overpriced essential oils.
I once went on a “playdate” that turned out to be a thinly veiled sales pitch. I learned my lesson.
The Exchange
Alright! This lady seems reasonably normal and isn’t likely to insist I need both spiritual enlightenment and an essential oil starter pack. Time to exchange contact info.
“So, um, our kids seem to be hitting it off. Should we, you know…”
“Oh! Yes! Are you on Facebook?”
“Yeah, but um, what’s your name again?”
“Great! Let’s plan a playdate!”
Once that hurdle is cleared, it feels like a victory. Just kidding! This is where things often take a turn for the weird.
Arranging the Playdate
When do I reach out? Should I invite her to my home? Is that overly aggressive? I decide it’s best to choose a neutral location. How soon should we set something up? I don’t want to seem pushy, but I also don’t want to lose momentum. These dilemmas often keep me up at night.
I met a fellow mom at the library; we clicked and became Facebook friends. I invited her and her kids to the park, but she had to cancel. Not a big deal, but now I’m left wondering who should initiate the next move. Was she politely declining? What if she feels awful and is too shy to reach out again? What if she’s moved on?
The Playdate
If we manage to navigate these challenges and actually meet for a playdate, praise be! If it’s not a sales pitch or a babysitting arrangement, I might just have a new friend! And, of course, the kids need to get along too.
The Final Outcome
Sometimes, everything clicks. Our children play well together, and we hit it off. We’re friends! We’ve had multiple successful interactions. But, every so often, it ends without explanation. If I’m lucky, I might figure out why. If I’m not, I’m left with an awkward silence.
True story: I sent a friend request to a mom from my daughter’s preschool after she suggested a playdate. Months later, the request remains unanswered, hanging awkwardly between us as we chat during pickups. What gives?
Every now and then, things turn out beautifully, and you find a true friend who understands your parenting struggles and responds with “me too, girl, me too.” These women are gems and should be cherished. But tread lightly—don’t come off as a desperate clinger—it’s a delicate balance.
So good luck out there, moms! May the odds be ever in your favor.
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Summary
Making mom friends can feel like a dating scenario filled with awkwardness and uncertainty. From initial meetings at the playground to navigating playdate arrangements, the process is fraught with challenges. However, when connections are made, they can lead to meaningful friendships that help us through the ups and downs of motherhood.
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