March 29, 2023
Recently, while navigating the aisles of a grocery store with my trio of children—aged 10, 8, and 3—I found myself in a familiar situation. My youngest was secured in the cart while the older two clung to its sides, all three exhibiting less-than-pleasant attitudes. This scenario is hardly uncommon; taking three kids under ten grocery shopping typically involves a lot of “no” and the constant threat of denying them a free cookie from the bakery, all while I consider the merits of escaping to a remote forest.
During this particular excursion, as I scrolled through my phone to determine which flavor of goldfish crackers to purchase (there are just too many options), an elderly woman, likely in her late 60s, tugged on my sleeve and said, “Great job, Dad.”
I offered a weary smile in return, responding with a “Thanks” that conveyed my exhaustion as a parent. Later, while at Costco, a couple in their early 50s repeated this encouragement. I received a third compliment at the bank.
It’s worth noting that receiving multiple compliments while shopping with my children is quite rare. Yet, it’s not unusual for strangers to offer affirmations when they see me out alone with my kids, whether it’s in a store or a park.
When I shared these experiences with my partner, Sarah, her expression shifted. “Seriously? No one ever compliments me,” she remarked with palpable sincerity. Sarah is a part-time worker at our children’s school and spends much of her time managing our lively trio during errands.
This discrepancy raises an important question: Why do I receive encouragement for being a dad while Sarah doesn’t receive similar praise for her role as a mom?
Honestly, I can’t say for sure. My observations are anecdotal—there’s no sociological data backing me up—but it seems that when people see a father engaging with his children, they feel compelled to offer a little moral support.
Many dads I know who take their kids out solo are quite involved in parenting. They don’t subscribe to outdated notions that men should only be providers; they handle household chores, laundry, and countless other tasks. In our household, for instance, I usually tackle the laundry while Sarah manages our budget. We don’t assign responsibilities based on gender; we simply do what needs to be done based on our skills.
If you spot a dad at the store with his children, it’s likely he’s committed to parenting and eager to share the load. He’s not babysitting—another term I find frustrating—he’s fulfilling his role as a dedicated father. The truth is, this should not be seen as extraordinary; mothers routinely do the same.
To be candid, while I often dread grocery shopping, being an engaged father has fostered a closeness with my children that my own dad never achieved. I know my kids better than anyone—I understand their desires, their antics, and their smiles. I cherish the bond I share with each of them.
However, receiving compliments simply for fulfilling my parental duties feels like being put on a pedestal for actions that should be expected of all fathers. It unintentionally diminishes the efforts of mothers like Sarah, who perform similarly but often go unrecognized.
Do we really need to single out dads just for doing what they should?
While I appreciate compliments, and parenting can often feel thankless, I believe it’s crucial to recognize that when we see a dad actively parenting, he’s doing his job, just as a mom does when she’s caring for her children.
Rather than diminishing praise, I advocate for a more balanced recognition of both mothers and fathers. Parents universally deserve encouragement and support.
So, the next time you encounter a frazzled mother at the store juggling a cart full of children, offer her some words of affirmation. And don’t forget to do the same for the father you see nearby. Fairness is essential.
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In summary, it’s vital to celebrate both fathers and mothers for their roles in parenting without bias. Both parents contribute equally and deserve recognition for their efforts.
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