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The Unceasing Thoughts of a Mother
March 30, 2023
As I sit here, I feel like I’m about to burst. It seems like winter is dragging on forever, and we’re not even close to escaping the typical April snowstorm. Oh Minnesota, I pray this year is different.
This time of year often brings a wave of emotions: depression, seasonal affective disorder, anxiety—all at once. It’s a familiar struggle. When my mental state is at risk, whether it be due to motherhood, relationships, or my overall wellbeing, my thoughts often spiral in chaotic directions. I’ve had to become deliberate in managing my thoughts, learning to rein them in and replace negativity with positivity.
I share this for a vital reason; it’s about survival—literally and figuratively. I must acknowledge that my partner’s emotional support and humor have been invaluable in my journey to recovery and overall health.
However, let’s be real; men often seem to inhabit a world all their own. I can’t count how many times I’ve caught my husband, Jake, standing or sitting in complete silence, lost in thought. Whether he’s in the bathroom post-shower or staring blankly in the kitchen, I can’t help but wonder: What could possibly occupy his mind for so long?
The reality? His answer is often “nothing.” Just blank space. No agenda.
Several years back, Jake and I were driving when I broke the silence, asking him what he was thinking. His response? “Pans.” Yes, pots and pans—specifically for camping. For the next ten minutes, he rambled on about them. I could almost hear circus music playing in the background of his mind.
If only I could experience a day in his head—what a mental vacation that would be!
In contrast, my thoughts during the same quiet stretch were a whirlwind: Why is the news so grim? Is our gun violence out of control? Are we witnessing the end times? Did I remember to take my medication today? When did I last shower? I feel so unclean. We can’t afford dental work. Will I ever be healthy again? Why is there so much suffering in the world? Am I presentable? Did the bus driver seem annoyed with me? I’m running low on groceries. Pop Tarts for lunch? I’m failing as a mother. Jake and our kids deserve someone better. Maybe if I just vanished, they’d be fine…
Sweet Jesus, make it stop. I don’t have an off switch.
Men contemplate nothing while women ponder everything.
Jake was astonished by my mental monologue. I was not surprised; it’s just another day in my busy mind.
Then something wonderful occurred. He returned to his thoughts about pots, grinning like a fool, and we both erupted into laughter. The kind that leaves your stomach aching and tears streaming down your face. In that moment, I felt an incredible sense of freedom.
These moments are what sustain me: the absurdities of life and the humor that accompanies them serve as a safety net, allowing me to see the lies swirling in my mind that need replacing.
So, I turn to writing or reminiscing about joyful family camping trips. I choose to focus on the humor, the blessings, and the overwhelming love Jake has for me—unconditionally.
Imagine your thoughts as a tape recording. It’s often the same negative messages on repeat, and the only way to erase them is to record over them with something fresh and uplifting. Catch the negativity when it starts, rewind, and then hit record again, steering your mind in a new direction.
Recently, while lying in bed, I found myself in a dark place mentally. I decided to create a list of nonsensical topics that baffled me far more than the state of the world.
Here are some of my thoughts:
- Toe rings—what’s the point?
- The Kardashians—can we just move on?
- Musicals—why all the singing?
- Spray tans—no, thanks.
- Mondays—surely there are none in heaven.
- Politics are just… ugh.
- Vegans and tofu—can we even be friends?
- The zipper merge—why is this so hard?
- Clowns—absolutely terrifying.
- Slow drivers in the left lane—please speed up!
I reached out to numerous women, asking for their take on things that make no sense. Here are some notable replies:
- Judgmental people—just go away.
- Seasonal Affective Disorder—it’s a real struggle.
- Fidget spinners—why?
- Why do my cats not talk to me?
- Dust—what’s its purpose?
What are some of the absurdities that perplex you? I think we could all benefit from a little distraction.
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In conclusion, our thoughts are ultimately a choice. We can either dwell on the chaos or redirect our focus to the whimsical aspects of life.
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