As I observe you from a distance, engrossed in your own world at your desk, I resist the urge to interrupt. I don’t lean in to inquire about the project demanding your attention, nor do I ponder whether you might need assistance or feel sidelined while your siblings engage in their own games.
My gaze shifts to your brother and sister, their laughter echoing in the air, and a wave of concern washes over me. I find myself consumed with worries about their well-being. Your older sister, in particular, weighs heavily on my mind. I fear I am losing her to the demands of adolescence, friends, and sports. The bond she shares with your father makes me question my own connection with her. I fret that she suppresses her feelings, trying to manage everything alone, feeling the need to always be the strong one.
Your brother’s sensitivity also troubles me. His emotions run deep, and I often feel my patience wearing thin. I worry I lack the tools to help him navigate his feelings, especially after our family’s transition to a single-parent home. He deserved a fuller version of my love during those early years, and I often wish I could turn back time to give him the attention he craves.
What amplifies my worry is the realization that you, my middle child, appear to be so much like me. You express your needs, feelings, and thoughts without hesitation. You don’t leave me guessing, which often leads me to overlook your struggles. Your independence and transparency have made it easy for me to take you for granted. I find myself snapping at you at times, expecting you to handle things on your own while I focus on your siblings.
Just yesterday, when you asked me to fetch your soccer shin guards, I brusquely replied, “You’re capable; go get them.” That moment struck me hard. I would never address your brother or sister in that manner because my worries for them run deep. It’s clear to me now that I need to start worrying about you, too.
I’ve mistakenly believed your easy-going nature meant you were invulnerable. The truth is, I fear I have parented you incorrectly. I worry you feel neglected when your siblings bond without you, or that you don’t sense the same love from me as they do. I’m concerned I haven’t celebrated your achievements or provided enough support with your homework. The thought that my behavior may lead to future mental health struggles for you troubles me deeply. I regret not worrying about you sooner.
My own mother once said, “You’re only as happy as your saddest child,” and I’ve come to realize how true that is. Each of you is unique, and I strive to cater to your individual needs. However, I need to ensure that my love for you is just as apparent as it is for your siblings.
I’m not perfect as a mother, but I pour my heart into this role every single day. My goal is for you to feel unconditionally loved by me at all times. There’s nothing you could do that would change my love for you. I want you to feel safe enough to share your fears, hopes, and thoughts with me. I hope you can celebrate each other’s successes without jealousy, fostering a bond filled with compassion.
As I reflect on my journey as your mother, I vow to prioritize you just as much as I do your siblings. I recognize that I have made mistakes, and I promise to learn from them. So, dear Clara, as you lay your head down tonight, remember that you are deeply loved. Each of you has unique qualities that I cherish, and the bond we share is powerful. My love for you transcends actions and words; it is limitless and unconditional.
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Summary
This letter reflects a mother’s realization of her parenting approach, expressing her regrets about not paying enough attention to her middle child, Clara. The mother acknowledges her unique connection with each child while recognizing her shortcomings. She vows to prioritize Clara’s emotional needs and ensure that her love is felt just as strongly as it is by her siblings.
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