Throughout my life, I have grappled with a deep-seated phobia of spiders. A close relative of mine has, even in adulthood, maintained an irrational fear of the dark. During my time teaching high school English, I encountered students who were utterly frozen by the idea of speaking in public. From the fear of heights to the fear of mortality, we all share our unique anxieties. However, once we become parents, those fears evolve.
Ask nearly any parent, and you’ll likely discover that their greatest concern revolves around the well-being of their children. It’s that paralyzing dread that disrupts our sleep and sends our hearts racing when we see them venture away from us. The thought of facing a tragedy involving our children is unfathomable. Yet, disturbingly, we often respond to those who endure such unbearable losses with harsh judgment rather than support.
In 2016, a tragic incident occurred when a young boy, named Noah, was playing by the water at a resort in Florida when an alligator seized him in front of his horrified parents. More recently, a five-year-old boy named Max tragically lost his life after becoming wedged between a booth and the wall in a rotating restaurant in Atlanta. Just last month, a boy named Oliver, who was about to celebrate his fourth birthday, tragically passed away after a bouncy ball lodged in his throat while his mother desperately attempted to resuscitate him.
We hear of stories where children have fallen from tractors, collided with trees while sledding, or even faced fatal allergic reactions due to undiscovered allergies.
What Can We Do as Parents?
As parents, what actions can we take to ensure our children’s safety? Should we completely isolate them, forbidding any form of adventure? Eliminate all toys from our homes? Ban all potentially harmful items from their surroundings? Refrain from exposing them to the world? What kind of existence would that create for our children?
When Noah lost his life, I felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow. My family had visited Disney around that same time, and I wondered, “Would I have allowed my children to play near the water?” I suspect I would have. Would I have taken them to an exciting rotating restaurant? Certainly, even though my own five-year-old might struggle to stay still amidst the excitement. We have bouncy balls in our home too.
My children have enjoyed rides on tractors with their grandfather. My son also has a nut allergy. Nevertheless, we continue to embrace life, aware that tragedy can strike at any moment. We take necessary precautions—seat belts, helmets, and always bringing our epi-pen. We are likely quite similar to Noah’s parents, Max’s parents, and Oliver’s mother.
The Reality of Parenthood
The reality is that no parent is immune to accidents; we cannot guarantee our children’s safety. So why do we feel compelled to judge those parents who have experienced the most horrific moments of their lives?
Why do we hurl accusations such as “You should’ve known better than to let him play near that water” at Noah’s father, who bravely jumped in to save his son? Or “You should have been more vigilant!” to Max’s parents? Or question Oliver’s mother with “Why did you even have bouncy balls in the house? They can choke a child!”?
Do we really believe these parents are unaware of the risks? Don’t you think they would do anything to turn back time, to “know better”? To reconsider their decisions, perhaps keeping their children closer during excursions?
What do we gain by judging grieving parents in their time of need? Is it a misguided attempt to soothe our own fears about “What if this happens to me?” by projecting our insecurities onto those who desperately need compassion?
A Call for Empathy
Here’s an undeniable truth: none of us can assert, “That could never happen to me.” While we may feel confident in our choices, life is unpredictable. Perhaps you live in an area where alligators are a known danger and would never allow your child to play near the water. But one day, you might find yourself in a situation where a natural disaster occurs, and if you make a mistake leading to tragedy, would you want judgment from others?
Like countless parents across the country, I tied a blue ribbon to a tree outside my home when I learned of Noah’s tragic passing. It was a gesture of solidarity, not just for him, but for his parents who are in the depths of grief. They don’t know I did this, and that’s perfectly fine. But I chose to express my sorrow and fear in a way that connected us, rather than judging them.
Each time I blow out my birthday candles or toss a penny into a fountain, my wish is always for my children to lead long, healthy, and joyful lives. I know this is not a certainty. I imagine that grieving parents share similar hopes for their own children.
Resources for Aspiring Parents
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Conclusion
In summary, when tragedy strikes, it’s vital that we extend understanding and empathy rather than judgment. We are all navigating the unpredictable waters of parenthood, and the loss of a child is a pain no parent should face alone.
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