My journey with infertility began three years after I married my partner, Michael. From the outset, we were aware that we might face challenges, especially since Michael battled cancer during his teenage years. While he triumphed over the illness, the effects of chemotherapy left us seeking assistance to start our family.
Over the past four years, we invested nearly $100,000 into fertility treatments, including three IUIs, three IVF cycles, one FET, and enduring the heartbreak of a miscarriage. Thankfully, we are blessed with a vibrant two-year-old son, Lucas, who brings us joy every day with his spirited personality and fascination with “Mick Mouse.”
The emotional toll of this experience has been profound. For those who have walked a similar path, the ups and downs are all too familiar, and for those who haven’t, it’s hard to grasp the depth of our journey. I often find myself feeling pangs of longing when I see other families, wishing for another child to join our family. However, we have made the difficult decision to stop trying. It’s time to embrace our current life with Lucas and find peace in what we have. Here are five positives I focus on as we conclude this chapter:
1. No More Waiting for Uncertainty
The year 2021 was particularly challenging. We had five frozen embryos from our successful IVF cycle, but only one survived the thaw, and that embryo was lost in a miscarriage. I often think about what could have been. The emotional burden has been heavy, particularly after two unsuccessful IVF attempts following our loss. My heart aches for the future we envisioned, but I have to remind myself that I have a healthy son who is a source of joy. I am ready to let go of the unknown and embrace the life we have.
2. Financial Freedom Awaits
Fertility treatments come with a hefty price tag. The financial strain has delayed our plans for the future, as we’ve been consumed with medical bills. As those bills begin to dwindle, we can finally look towards our financial future. We’re excited to start planning for a home that fits our family of three, allowing us to envision a brighter tomorrow together.
3. A Magical Disney Adventure
Lucas is absolutely enchanted by Mickey Mouse. His love for the character has filled our home with joy. During our fertility journey, the uncertainty of potentially welcoming another child put our plans for a Disney trip on hold. Now, without that uncertainty, Michael and I can finally take Lucas to Disney and witness his wonder firsthand. It’s those magical moments that remind me of the joy of parenting, and I’m eager to create more memories with him.
4. Reclaiming My Body
The physical demands of fertility treatments have been exhausting. I endured countless injections and side effects from hormones that affected my mental well-being. After years of feeling disconnected from my own body, I am relieved to reclaim my health. I can now enjoy simple pleasures, like indulging in a drink, training for a mini-marathon, and rediscovering who I am post-treatment.
5. Devoting Time to Lucas
In the past, I was always preoccupied with what was next. I spent too much time planning for another child instead of cherishing the present with Lucas. Now that we’ve decided to end our fertility journey, I want to fully embrace every moment with him. Watching him grow, learn, and navigate his emotions is my priority. I’m committed to being present and making the most of our time together.
As I close this chapter, I look forward to what lies ahead for my family. While the pain of infertility might linger, I choose to focus on the positives and make room for joy in our lives. For those navigating similar paths, remember to seek out supportive resources like the March of Dimes to guide you in your journey. For those considering self-insemination, check out the At Home Insemination Kit for more information.
Summary
The decision to conclude fertility treatments can be incredibly challenging. However, it can open the door to newfound peace, financial planning, and greater focus on the joys of parenting. Embracing the present with loved ones and finding joy in new experiences can lead to a more fulfilling life.
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