In the stillness of dawn, while the rest of my family remains asleep, I find myself awake—thanks to my husband, Mark, who has already been hard at work for a couple of hours. If it weren’t for his blaring alarm, I might enjoy a few more minutes of sleep. This early wake-up call happens six days a week, without fail (he’d even work Sundays if I didn’t set firm boundaries).
Mark prefers to start his day at the crack of dawn, believing it allows him to spend the evenings with us instead of working late. I often lightly suggest that he could cut back on his 12-hour days, but he thinks I’m joking; for him, anything less isn’t an option.
Yes, I’m married to a committed workaholic. Even if we were financially secure (which we aren’t), he would still feel the need to work. I sometimes dread the day he retires, as I suspect he would find himself restless and bored. In fact, I can easily envision him at 99 years old, still working, cane in hand, directing new employees while he waves goodbye to retirement.
His relentless work ethic can complicate things around our household. With his frequent absences, I shoulder the responsibilities—from mundane chores to crisis management when all four of our young kids fall ill simultaneously, or when the roof starts to leak. Mark does his best to help remotely, making necessary calls and coordinating from afar, but I’m the one handling the immediate issues, like collecting water with pots and washing soaked towels.
It’s exhausting managing everything alone, especially with four children to care for. Yet, what truly troubles me isn’t the additional workload. I’ve grown accustomed to taking charge and feel capable in my role. What weighs on my mind is the family time my husband sacrifices. Every Saturday, I’m in the bleachers cheering for our two kids in basketball, while Mark is absent. He occasionally makes it for halftime, dashing from work in his company gear while constantly checking his phone for work updates.
He attends our kids’ school events when he can, often arriving straight from the office. Just the other day, while scheduling a routine surgery for our youngest, I had to text him to confirm whether he could be there, knowing he would adjust his work schedule to accommodate it.
Our children know their father loves them, and they feel his support, even if he is physically absent. Although some may view our family dynamics as uneven, it works for us. My greater concern is how Mark may feel about his choices in the future. Will he look back and regret the time he missed with us? Will he feel he dedicated his life to the wrong priorities?
However, when I see his enthusiasm for his work, his drive, and the fulfillment it brings him, I recognize that this is an integral part of who he is. He genuinely enjoys his job, and being a provider means everything to him. Mark believes that giving our children the opportunities we didn’t have growing up justifies the time he spends away from them.
His ambitious nature is one of the qualities I admire most about him and was a significant factor in my falling in love with him two decades ago. While I sometimes wish we could plan a family outing without waiting for him to return home, I realize that, in the grand scheme of things, our situation could be much more challenging.
After all, it’s far better to encourage him to join me on the couch than to coax him off of it.
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Summary:
Living with a partner who is a dedicated workaholic presents unique challenges, especially in managing family and household responsibilities. While the absence of shared time can be concerning, it’s essential to recognize and appreciate the passion and drive that fuels their commitment to work. Balancing family life with a work-focused spouse requires understanding and adaptability, as well as finding fulfillment in the partnership.
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