Living with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) can be exceptionally challenging, especially for moms. While many may not immediately recognize the struggles faced by those with anxiety, the internal battles are constant and often overwhelming.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a habit of chewing my nails—a habit that goes far beyond simple nervousness. It’s an impulse driven by anxiety that manifests itself throughout my daily life. While I take medication to help manage my condition, I seldom discuss it openly; it feels too raw and vulnerable, a space few can truly understand.
To illustrate, consider how a person instinctively reacts when a ball is thrown toward their face—most would duck or raise their hands. My reaction, however, is to spiral into worry, envisioning the worst possible outcomes. This pattern is automatic and outside my control.
You may find my experiences hard to digest. Perhaps you think I’m overreacting or being illogical—this judgment is precisely why many people, including myself, often suffer in silence. I hope to illuminate the reality of living with GAD for those who may feel isolated in their struggles.
A Glimpse into My Daily Life
Here’s a glimpse into my daily life as a mom battling anxiety:
- When my sister asks to take my son to the park, I decline, fearing an accident that could leave me shattered.
- If my bonus daughter wants to play in the backyard, I hesitate, worrying about potential kidnappers lurking nearby.
- Even seemingly innocuous decisions, like letting my baby try a banana, become fraught with anxiety about choking.
I often leave the house 45 minutes early to avoid the panic of being late—anxiety feels like a shaken soda bottle ready to explode. When my mother-in-law suggests a sleepover, I instantly imagine the worst-case scenario; my son falling off the bed and sustaining an injury.
Physical sensations can trigger my imagination, too. A simple stomach ache spirals into thoughts of a burst appendix. When multiple conversations occur simultaneously, it feels like a cacophony, overwhelming my senses.
Social engagements fill me with dread, despite my initial enthusiasm. What starts as excitement morphs into anxiety as I anticipate the energy required for small talk and social interactions. By the time I return home, I feel utterly spent.
My insecurities about my appearance lead me to obsessively monitor the reactions of those around me, convinced they’re judging my looks. If I don’t hear from my sister after asking her to call, I conclude the worst: she has been kidnapped.
Even the mundane becomes a source of anxiety. If someone unfamiliar knocks on my door, I find myself armed and ready to call for help. At night, any noise turns into a scenario where a burglar threatens my family, prompting me to mentally prepare for a confrontation.
These thoughts may seem irrational to some, and I recognize that. Yet, this is the reality for many living with anxiety disorders. My fears often stem from losing loved ones, as I’ve experienced significant loss in my life. This drives me to extremes in my efforts to protect those I cherish.
This is the first time I have shared these experiences beyond my closest circle. Writing it down brings a painful clarity to my thought processes, highlighting how illogical they may seem to outsiders. My goal is to help others understand that those of us with anxiety aren’t merely “worry warts” who need to “calm down.” If it were that easy, we would.
Finding Balance and Support
I have started incorporating meditation and prayer into my routine, which has proven beneficial. Acknowledging my need for control is vital, as the reality is that many aspects of life are beyond my influence. Accepting this is crucial for managing the tension that arises when things don’t go as planned.
Support from friends and family is invaluable. It’s essential for those around us to recognize that anxiety is a genuine struggle. Instead of judgment, we need understanding and compassion. If you know someone dealing with anxiety, offer your support without downplaying their feelings.
In my journey, I’ve found resources, such as CDC’s pregnancy page, which provides excellent insights on pregnancy and home insemination. Additionally, Make a Mom offers valuable information on fertility journeys, including intracervical insemination.
Conclusion
In summary, living with generalized anxiety disorder as a mother is a complex experience filled with unique challenges. By sharing these insights, I hope to foster understanding and support among those who may feel isolated in their anxiety.
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