My son, an eleven-year-old transgender boy, came out to us a year ago and immediately began his social transition. Here are some of the questions I’ve been frequently asked, along with my responses.
How can you be sure this isn’t just a “phase”?
Before we even understood the term transgender, our son expressed his identity as a boy in numerous ways. He consistently communicated his discomfort with the gender assigned to him at birth, demonstrating a clear desire to be recognized as male through his behavior, play, and preferences over several years.
What was the school’s response to his transition?
Upon informing my son’s teacher about his transgender identity, I was met with, “I want to support him, but I have to protect the other students.” Fortunately, we live in a progressive area with laws that safeguard transgender individuals. Our school district accommodated his request to attend a different school, allowing him to be non-disclosing. He has thrived in an environment with understanding staff and a group of peers who are unaware of his transgender status. However, he has overheard hurtful remarks about transgender individuals, which has been distressing. Thankfully, he has a supportive therapist to help him navigate these challenges.
What happens when he goes through puberty?
He is currently seeing a therapist, a pediatrician, and a specialist in transgender youth to assess his emotional and social health. As he is not yet in Tanner stage two of puberty, he has not required hormone treatments at this time.
Tanner what?
The Tanner stages are a series of physical development phases that can be evaluated visually or through blood tests. Most transgender youth begin hormone blockers when they reach Tanner stage two.
Will you force him to take hormones?
Our approach is collaborative; we will work with the professionals who understand our son best to determine his needs and desires. Transitioning involves both social and medical aspects. Initially, most transgender youth undergo a social transition, which includes changes in name, pronouns, and presentation. The medical phase may involve puberty blockers to delay puberty and later cross hormones—testosterone for trans boys and estrogen for trans girls—typically beginning in their teenage years.
What if he decides to change his mind?
We are committed to supporting him on his unique gender journey, whatever direction it may take. As informed parents, we understand that “de-transitioning” is quite rare, based on current research.
How have friends and family reacted?
The response from family and friends has been overwhelmingly positive. I’ve been heartened to see older relatives eager to educate themselves about transgender issues and to support our son. While some individuals have expressed skepticism about our support, that’s more reflective of their struggles than ours.
Is he gay?
At this point, he is unsure. He could be heterosexual, attracted to girls, or homosexual, interested in boys, or even pansexual, drawn to individuals regardless of gender. Gender and sexuality are distinct; he will discover his sexual orientation in time, knowing he has our unwavering support.
Why keep his transgender status private?
We respect his privacy by keeping his transgender identity personal. My child is a boy, and details about his anatomy or chromosomes are his to disclose if he chooses. Everyone has private matters, and our children deserve the same consideration. If you know transgender individuals, it’s vital to respect their confidentiality and avoid discussing their gender history casually.
In an insightful article by Zeke Smith, he notes that while many LGBTQ+ individuals find liberation in coming out, the experience can often be more complex for transgender people. He emphasizes that sharing one’s gender history can lead to doubt and scrutiny rather than authenticity. Ultimately, it is each person’s right to control their own narrative.
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Summary
Navigating the journey of a transgender child brings both challenges and triumphs, with supportive resources available for families. Understanding and respecting privacy is paramount, and open discussions about identity can foster acceptance and love.
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