“Why don’t you want to shower?”
“Because Daddy didn’t ask me politely.”
I was taken aback. My nearly nine-year-old, sitting half-dressed on the bathroom floor, refused to enter the shower based on this reason. Admittedly, I was sure my partner had asked him “politely” multiple times, yet I could almost hear the volume rising with each successive request.
Taking a deep breath, I looked at my shivering son and said in a calm tone, “I’m asking you nicely. Please get in the shower; you’re cold and dirty.” To my relief, he complied.
As he washed away the day’s dirt, I pondered our communication style. Too often, my initial requests were ignored, leading to elevated tones by the fourth or fifth reminder. Reflecting on my own experiences with yelling, I realized it was neither fun nor motivating—it was humiliating. I found little satisfaction in raising my voice, and it left me feeling frustrated and hoarse. I never intended for our home to become a shouting arena, but it appeared to happen more frequently than my pre-kids self would have imagined.
When he emerged from the shower, he requested, “Bring me my sweats.” I replied with a smile, “They’re at the foot of the bed; please get dressed.” I then exited the room.
After five minutes without sight of him, I returned to find him half-dressed and engrossed in a book. “Oh good, you’re getting dressed. Please finish, as dinner is ready,” I said before leaving again. A minute later, he finally joined me, fully dressed.
This calm communication continued for days. I politely repeated requests multiple times without ever yelling. We navigated through school break, two flights, and a four-hour car journey with minimal conflict. The real test was the first morning back at school. To prepare, I laid out their clothes the night before and lined up their bags, shoes, and coats.
That Monday morning, I woke the kids, managed breakfast, got them to brush their teeth, and dressed them appropriately for the weather. We stepped out the door right on schedule—without a single raised voice.
Now, two weeks in, I’ve even got my partner on board. While my kids are still far from perfect—there have been disagreements, dinner refusals, and bedtime disputes—I’ve noticed a significant shift in our household dynamics. We still repeat ourselves, but each request, even the fifth time, is delivered with the same calmness as the first, testing my patience but contributing to a more serene atmosphere.
This experiment is still in its infancy; who knows how it will hold up through the tumultuous teenage years? For now, however, the overall happiness in our home is palpable, and I intend to maintain this newfound peace.
If you’re interested in more tips on family dynamics and parenting strategies, you can check out other informative articles on our blog, including insights on using an artificial insemination kit to enhance your family journey, or refer to this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
In the past two weeks, I shifted my parenting approach by eliminating yelling and fostering a calmer home environment. This change has resulted in improved communication with my children, making our interactions more pleasant. My goal is to maintain this peaceful atmosphere as we navigate the challenges of family life.
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