As a parent, my goal is to nurture my daughter into a compassionate individual who considers others while embracing her own power. I desire for her to possess the confidence to confront challenges head-on, not through violence but with assertiveness and strength. At just 10 years old, she’s already learning to navigate the intricate dynamics between genders. It’s disheartening to observe the sense of entitlement exhibited by some boys around her. Consequently, I find myself guiding her on how to “handle it,” emphasizing the importance of self-confidence and the ability to stand her ground.
It’s crucial for me to empower my daughter to exist in this world unapologetically. The lessons she learns will stem from my actions and, perhaps more significantly, from my words. As a mother and a professional, I recognize that my language can shape her internal dialogue. The language we choose can unintentionally hinder our progress in various settings, including the workplace. I am committed to ensuring that my daughter hears uplifting and constructive language from me, fostering her authenticity and reducing the chances of self-doubt as she grows into a woman.
There are certain words we tend to use habitually, often without reflection. These words need to be eliminated from our vocabulary. The three words I will avoid from now on are: flawless, merely, and small.
Flawless
Flawless | ˈflɔːləs | adjective: Without any imperfections; entirely without flaws.
I confess that I frequently use this term. Whenever my children showcase their creations, I often exclaim, “This is fantastic! It’s flawless!” However, by labeling their efforts as flawless, I inadvertently promote the notion of perfectionism. Seeking perfection is not only unrealistic but can also lead to dissatisfaction. As a parent and an adult, I see no benefit in striving for perfection. I know I am far from flawless, so what message does it send to my child when I label their creations in this way? Am I equipping her to face failure?
This term is unnecessary, and there are numerous alternatives available. It’s also notable that I rarely hear men use this term. They tend to offer constructive feedback without the need for excessive praise. The last time I heard my partner use the term, he was referring to a pair of shoes I once owned — and he was right; they were quite stunning.
Merely
Merely | ˈmɪrli | adverb: Just; only; no more than.
Typically, adding “merely” to a statement diminishes its significance. For example, you wouldn’t say, “It’s merely a cold,” as it trivializes the situation.
In professional contexts, I have stopped using this word. Women shouldn’t feel the need to justify their actions. Phrases like, “I’m merely following up” or “I just wanted to say…” dilute our messages. We should navigate the world without needing to justify our presence or contributions.
Another compelling reason to eliminate this term? Men seldom use it. They don’t apologize for following up or sharing their views. Thus, we shouldn’t either.
Small
Small | smɔːl | adjective: Of limited size, amount, or degree.
Ladies everywhere, let’s refrain from using this word to describe ourselves or our lives. While my son may be small in stature, that’s merely a factual observation. Outside of physical descriptions, there’s no need to use this term. Phrases like “my small family” or “her small project” can come across as condescending. Even worse is when we refer to ourselves with such language; it sounds apologetic.
The way we articulate our thoughts influences our actions and shapes how others perceive us. By reevaluating our use of these words, we can transform our interactions in the world. If these changes have positively impacted my life, I sincerely hope they will benefit my daughter as well.
This article was originally published on April 24, 2018.
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Summary
In this article, I discuss three words I will no longer use: flawless, merely, and small. These terms can foster unrealistic expectations, diminish our confidence, and convey condescension. By eliminating them from our language, we can empower ourselves and others, particularly the next generation, to navigate life authentically and assertively.
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