“Quit throwing stones!” my partner and I shouted at our son during our family trip to a serene mountain lake. While his brother was preoccupied with fishing, our son grew restless with his pole and turned to a more thrilling activity: hurling rocks into the water to observe the ensuing ripples.
“Stop throwing rocks,” we repeated, raising our voices slightly. “Don’t make me come over there.” Yet, he persisted, gleefully plunking stones into the lake, gathering handfuls from a nearby path we had warned him to avoid. Plunk. Plunk. Plunk.
Eventually, he was sent indoors to watch television, a predictable outcome. We all understood that throwing rocks into a lake is a fundamental childhood instinct—an innocent pleasure marked by the satisfying splash and the magic of ripples spreading outward. Yet, nearby anglers and the need for decorum dictated our response. Certain behaviors must be suppressed, and this was one of those instances.
In the grand narrative of childhood, this moment is trivial, yet as author Sara Lee, who discusses the intense pressure on children to conform to adult expectations, points out, there’s a larger issue at play. We often mold our children to fit a preconceived notion of acceptable behavior—transforming them from curious, imaginative beings into replicas of societal norms. In her words, we aim to “level them out,” a concept taken from beloved children’s literature.
The School Environment
Consider the school environment. We confine children—thirty at a time—within small, cinderblock classrooms for hours on end, five days a week, often neglecting their need for physical activity. It’s no surprise that many exhibit disruptive behaviors, such as fighting or refusing to engage with their work. A 2008 study demonstrated that a mere 20-minute walk outdoors can reduce ADHD symptoms by 20%.
Moreover, children are bombarded with standardized testing, which serves to quantify and categorize them for funding purposes. According to recent reports, American students undergo an astonishing average of 112 standardized tests from kindergarten through high school—about eight annually. This results in a staggering commitment of 20 to 25 hours spent filling in bubbles instead of enjoying their childhood. Tests are designed for adults, not for little ones still figuring out how to spell their names, who should be learning through play, not silence.
Even outside of testing, expectations for success are rigid. Questions are often discouraged; children are penalized for creativity in their handwriting; and excessive homework can keep them indoors long after school ends. Adults do not operate under such constraints; they work for pay and have the freedom to ask questions.
Stifling Individuality
While education is essential for socialization and personal development, we must acknowledge that our methods may be misguided. We are stifling individuality. Consider the child who struggles on a reading test because she is engrossed in a novel under her desk. Or the inquisitive student who disrupts the lesson flow. We often attempt to correct behaviors deemed nonconformist through various means, including counseling or medication.
Is this truly the right approach? Is it fair or civilized?
Regarding my son and his rock-throwing, we could have opted for a different strategy. We could have relocated him further away or provided a more engaging task, like sorting through interesting materials, or even challenged him to aim at a target without disrupting others. Such alternatives could channel his energy positively rather than suppress it.
Ultimately, the goal is to preserve the joy and wonder of childhood rather than replace it with the passive engagement of screen time. That is what I desire for my children—and for all children.
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In summary, while education and socialization are vital, the methods we employ may inadvertently stifle the natural instincts and individuality of our children. We must seek a balance that allows for expression while also nurturing their growth.
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