By: Jessica Taylor
My partner, Alex, and I have celebrated fourteen years of marriage and have been a couple for over eighteen years. With nearly two decades of shared experiences, we’ve had countless moments to exchange gifts—birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Days, Christmas, and even Mother’s and Father’s Days. In total, that’s at least six different occasions when presents (or at least heartfelt cards) are expected.
Throughout the years, we’ve navigated a spectrum of gifting experiences—some memorable and others less so. From the extravagant (like the puppies we received on our first anniversary) to the whimsical, we’ve seen it all. However, my preferred gift now is one that may seem unconventional: we give each other the gift of nothing.
Yes, you heard that right—nothing at all. But before you conclude that we’ve turned into a couple devoid of romance, allow me to elaborate. This “nothing” is quite significant. It symbolizes the freedom to forgo the pressure of obligatory gifts when life is already overwhelming. It’s an acknowledgment that we’re both busy and that there’s no need to add one more item to our lengthy to-do lists. Importantly, it reinforces our understanding that love can be expressed at any time, not just on special occasions.
Some may interpret my insistence on this no-gift policy as a subtle plea for a perfect present, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. This agreement is equally beneficial for both of us. I genuinely don’t need to stress over finding a not-so-funny anniversary card or browsing online for something my partner may not even want.
In our current stage of life, we are capable of fulfilling our own needs. If I desire a spa day, I schedule it. If Alex wants new grilling tools or t-shirts, he picks them out himself. This eliminates the guessing game and the inevitable disappointment that comes when expectations are misaligned.
That said, we certainly still celebrate our anniversary and each other’s birthdays. We share sweet moments, reminiscing about our wedding day or snuggling on the couch after a long day. It’s a time to reflect on the commitment we made years ago and the love we’ve nurtured since.
It’s worth noting that gifts are still a joy. Knowing that your partner has thought of you and chosen something special is delightful. Just a few weeks ago, Alex surprised me with a throw pillow that read, “I heart my amazing partner.” This wasn’t on a birthday or anniversary—just a random Tuesday morning. He often surprises me with candy bars when I’ve had a tough day or leaves little notes around the house. Those are the gestures that truly matter.
I may not recall what I received for my birthday two years ago, but I will always remember that thoughtful throw pillow and the small acts of kindness, like candy bars and sweet emails on an ordinary Thursday.
In summary, my partner and I have found a unique way to express our love through the gift of nothing, which allows us to appreciate the little moments that truly count in our relationship. This approach has transformed our celebration of special days into something much more meaningful.
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