The sensation is overwhelming. The walls seem to be closing in, and my lungs feel restricted. I experience a scratchy throat, clammy hands, and tremors in my legs. My instinct screams for an escape. Where is the exit? What if I faint? The thoughts spiral: what if I lose consciousness? Breathing becomes a challenge as panic takes the wheel.
This encapsulates my experience with panic attacks. It felt as though the world was crumbling around me, leaving me utterly powerless; there was a weight pressing down on my chest that felt unbearable.
After enduring countless panic attacks and grappling with debilitating anxiety in my early twenties, I made the decision to seek professional help. My relationships were strained, my career was at risk, and most importantly, my well-being was in jeopardy.
During my first therapy session, I was engulfed in tears, grappling with the fear of my anxiety and its implications. I shared with my therapist the lengths I’d gone to avoid situations that triggered my panic, and she offered me a simple yet profound piece of advice: “What’s the worst that can happen?”
These six words transformed my outlook on anxiety. I began to question my fears. What was I truly afraid of? Back then, it was everything. The thought of being trapped in a packed shopping mall without knowing how to escape. Sitting through a meeting at work, desperate to leave. Driving on the freeway, feeling the urge to pull over. My life felt like a maze, and I was completely lost.
Through various therapy sessions and with the addition of a low dose of anti-anxiety medication, I began to educate myself on coping mechanisms. Today, I don’t live in constant fear of my mental health. Do I maintain complete control all the time? Absolutely not. Do I still experience moments of panic and anxiety? Without a doubt.
Now, I’m a mother to a beautiful little girl who is blissfully unaware of the complexities of mental health. One day, I will teach her that it’s okay to feel out of control. I want her to understand that she possesses strength that can overcome any mental health challenge.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, please know that you are not alone. You may be a new parent carrying burdens that feel insurmountable. Remember: you are a warrior. Even the strongest individuals can feel the weight of mental illness. As a new mother, I feel anxiety creeping in with the pressures of parenting, but I refuse to let it define my journey. Mental illness is a real and formidable foe, but it will not triumph. Not today.
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In summary, the journey through anxiety is complex, but with the right support and resources, it is manageable. By embracing our struggles and seeking help, we can pave the way for a brighter future.
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