When my first child, Lily, entered the world, a nurse placed her delicate, naked form on my chest and urged me to attempt breastfeeding. I fumbled to position her correctly, but I felt totally unprepared. That brief moment felt awkward, and as we left the hospital two days later, I was filled with doubt about my ability to breastfeed.
In the following weeks, I was overwhelmed with exhaustion and anxiety. I found myself nursing, pumping, and crying, all while my little one struggled to gain weight. Eventually, my doctor recommended supplementing with formula. Guilt consumed me; I feared what others would think if they knew I wasn’t exclusively breastfeeding. Questions poured in from my mom’s group, colleagues, and even the cashier at the local grocery store.
“Are you breastfeeding? How often? I heard breastfed babies have mustard-colored poop—does she have that?”
I would smile tightly and affirm that yes, I was breastfeeding, omitting the fact that I was also bottle-feeding. I felt a profound sadness and shame, questioning why I couldn’t solely nourish my baby.
This experience is far from unique. When we ask new mothers if they’re breastfeeding, we’re touching on a deeply sensitive topic. A mother who longs to breastfeed might face challenges with milk production or have a baby who refuses to latch. Some may have medical issues preventing breastfeeding, while others might be grappling with emotional hurdles like postpartum depression. Some mothers might simply choose not to breastfeed and feel uncomfortable with the inquiry.
Inquiring about breastfeeding, whether out of curiosity or a sense of judgment, can be emotionally taxing for new moms. Instead, if you genuinely want to know how they are managing life with a newborn, a more supportive question would be: “How are you doing?”
Mothers need to feel supported and understood during those early days. They require a network of encouragement from family, friends, healthcare professionals, and even casual acquaintances. In those tender moments of new motherhood, women deserve to know they won’t be judged for their choices. The way a mother feeds her baby—whether by breast, bottle, or a combination—is completely valid, and implying otherwise is unkind.
New moms don’t need to feel anxious about how to respond to questions about breastfeeding. They certainly don’t need judgment, unsolicited advice, or reminders of the struggles they may face when trying to breastfeed. The emotional weight of this journey is substantial.
Becoming a mother is a massive transition. Relationships with partners, family, and friends evolve. Physically, mothers are recovering from childbirth, battling sleep deprivation, and navigating a whirlwind of emotions. Hormones can fluctuate wildly, and for some, postpartum depression may loom large.
Amidst this upheaval, a mother’s focus naturally shifts to her baby’s needs. Yet, reality can differ vastly from expectations. Plans for a natural home birth might end in an emergency C-section. Co-sleeping dreams may yield a bassinet in the corner. A commitment to breastfeeding may turn into bottle feeding for various reasons—many of which are completely out of her control.
Navigating motherhood and the emotions that come with it is a significant challenge. The hardest aspect for many women is recognizing when they need support and feeling empowered to ask for it. Let’s not add to their anxiety by questioning breastfeeding choices, as they already have enough on their plates.
There’s no valid reason to ask a woman about her breastfeeding status or to weigh in on her feeding choices. Instead, let’s show our support by asking how she’s really doing and reminding her she is appreciated and valued as a mother.
For more information on related topics, check out the Cryobaby at Home Insemination Kit at Make a Mom, or explore resources like the Impregnator at Home Insemination Kit, a trusted source for understanding insemination methods here. Additionally, for further reading on pregnancy and home insemination, visit ASRM’s excellent resource.
In summary, rather than asking new moms about breastfeeding, we should prioritize their emotional well-being by simply checking in on how they are managing through this profound transition.
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