I find myself repeating this mantra often, yet I shouldn’t have to. It’s puzzling why I’m so concerned about what others think regarding my son’s needs. But no more. I refuse to apologize for either myself or my son.
The sign at the inclusive play center, “We Celebrate Diversity,” perfectly captures this sentiment. At last, a place where saying “I’m sorry” is unnecessary.
Before my son Jamie received his autism diagnosis, I confided in my husband through tears of frustration, expressing a desire to find a space dedicated to families like ours. A place where Jamie could run freely without the risk of escaping, where flickering lights wouldn’t cause distress, and where we could be among families facing similar challenges. In that environment, we wouldn’t need to explain his behaviors or defend ourselves against curious gazes questioning our parenting choices. I longed for a space where I wouldn’t feel compelled to manage every situation perfectly or apologize for behaviors that might seem “inappropriate.”
I explored various options: sensory-friendly events at local venues, special screenings at movie theaters, and designated hours at museums. Finally, we found joy at places like We Celebrate Diversity, LEGO Land, and Busch Gardens, enjoying activities tailored for families with disabilities. We even attended a family-friendly boating festival, where each family was taken on a private boat for a day at the beach. It was liberating to be accepted without needing to apologize! The staff was trained to support families with unique needs, creating an oasis amid the challenges we often face in the outside world.
Yet, outside these supportive spaces, I still felt the weight of needing to apologize for how we don’t fit societal norms or how our presence might cause discomfort.
Why do I find myself apologizing? It’s out of fear that others won’t understand Jamie or might misinterpret his actions. Unfortunately, this happens more often than I’d like.
Jamie has specific preferences; he likes to choose colors, activities, and conversation topics. He requires preparation for transitions and may not always want to share. His way of expressing himself can be loud or unexpected. He might scream, push, or hide in tight spaces when overwhelmed. It’s common for him to become fixated on a particular interest, discussing it repeatedly, or he may need to retreat to feel secure.
I refuse to apologize for him any longer. He is learning, developing, and navigating a world filled with complex social cues. If he doesn’t say “hi” or “bye,” or if he prefers to use his iPad during social gatherings, that’s okay. I won’t say sorry. Not because I am inconsiderate, but because I won’t bear the burden of others’ feelings anymore.
Reflecting on my past apologies, I see now that they stemmed from a desire to cling to a world I couldn’t control. I was inadvertently fighting to maintain the status quo while Jamie needed me to embrace him for who he is. He deserves my love and support without conditions, and I ask others to do the same. So, I am done apologizing for both Jamie and myself.
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In summary, I’ve realized the importance of embracing my son’s unique needs without apologies. By focusing on love and acceptance, I can support Jamie in his journey without the burden of societal expectations.
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