Before I became a parent, I had no idea how many roles I would adopt beyond just being “Mom.” You’d think that would be enough, right? But apparently not. Once you join the ranks of motherhood, you get categorized based on your feeding choices, sleep strategies, discipline tactics, and everything else related to raising children. It seems every decision you make adds another layer to your “motherhood identity.” We’re not just Moms; we’re “specific types” of Moms.
I identify as a “Working Mom.” The number of comments I receive that make me want to yank out my (already thinning) hair has driven me to write this piece. Most of these remarks come from stay-at-home moms (SAHMs—another label). I’m confident you don’t intend to be offensive, ignorant, or harsh, so I hope this list helps you understand what not to say to your working mom friends.
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“I can’t believe you chose to go back to work! I’ve opted to stay home with my kids; we can never get this time back.”
First off, it’s not always a choice for everyone, okay? For many of us, surviving on one income simply isn’t feasible. For me, staying home was never on the table—it just wasn’t an option. Plus, thanks for reminding me of that fleeting time—I know I can’t time travel, unless you’ve found a way! For many, returning to work is a conscious decision. We love our jobs; they are an essential part of our identities outside of being a mom. Some of us have skills that are in demand. So, next time you’re looking for a female pediatrician or psychologist, consider where we’d be if we all “decided” to stay home. -
“You have no clue how challenging it is to be a SAHM. You at least get lunch breaks and social interactions, while my day is filled with errands, cooking, laundry, and appointments—it’s a nonstop whirlwind!”
Actually, I’ve spent entire days with my kids—I know what that’s like during weekends, holidays, or sick days. And guess what? When I’m at work, I don’t get breaks either! The appointments and errands you mentioned? We still have to juggle those during lunch breaks or, yes, sometimes during those precious moments we can sneak away to use the bathroom. Plus, my workday is already packed with responsibilities. After work, I still have to tackle shopping, appointments (if I can fit them in), and then start on dinner. It’s a juggling act that doesn’t come with breaks. -
“There’s significantly more mess to clean when your kids are home compared to daycare.”
Believe me, I have a few hours with my son before we head off to work and daycare. That’s plenty of time for chaos. If I manage to clean up before work, I can guarantee new messes will emerge by the time we’re back home, right in the middle of preparing dinner and packing lunches. Kids eat just as much at home as they do elsewhere, so the meal prep and cleanup continue regardless of where they are. -
“I feel sorry for you, missing out on so much time with your kids.”
This one is well-intentioned but misguided. While I appreciate your concern, no one enjoys being pitied. It often feels like you’re suggesting we’ve made the wrong choices. Life is busy for everyone, and I recognize it’s not a competition. I wish people would stop perpetuating myths about working moms and how “easy” our lives are. They’re not.
I understand the challenges of balancing work and motherhood, and I wish we could all support each other better. If you want to explore more about home insemination options, check out this article on the Baby Maker at Home Insemination Kit. For reliable information on pregnancy, visit News Medical, an excellent resource in this area.
In summary, let’s foster understanding and support among all moms, regardless of the choices we make. Our journeys may differ, but we all share the common goal of nurturing our children.
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