As a working mother, I once believed I could manage it all — and it’s taking a toll on me.
When I was young, I imagined my future revolving around two core roles: I would be the quintessential “always-there” mom, the one who surprises her kids with fresh-baked cookies, is home when they finish school, and is deeply engaged in every part of their lives. Simultaneously, I aspired to be a successful professional, just like my determined single mother. I envisioned myself working tirelessly to achieve financial independence, dreaming of careers ranging from a grocery store cashier (swiping items was an early aspiration) to a teacher, midwife, or writer. Yet, I also imagined balancing these ambitions while being the ideal, attentive mother.
Growing up as a latchkey kid, I spent a lot of time on my own. I never held it against my mother; I understood her sacrifices and the sheer effort she put into providing for us. Still, I yearned for more engagement from her — the kind that involved cookie-baking and PTA meetings. Isn’t it common for parents to desire to give their children what they felt was missing in their own upbringing?
Reality vs. Expectations
However, reality didn’t unfold as I had envisioned. When my first child arrived, I had to leave my esteemed position as a college English instructor because childcare costs were prohibitive. I realized that my desire to raise my children in a certain way didn’t align with working outside the home. Although we faced financial struggles, I was fortunate enough to embrace being a stay-at-home mom for several years.
Fast forward a decade: my boys are now in full-time school. I’ve transitioned to working nearly full-time from home, but I still shoulder the same responsibilities I had as a stay-at-home mom. I handle most household chores, meal planning, and all of the before-and-after school care. I also bear the mental load of managing our family’s life. My existence revolves around my children’s schedules. I know I’m not alone in this. Many working mothers find themselves in a similar situation.
The Overwhelm of Responsibilities
This scenario is what I always wanted: attending school events, being there for my kids after school, and even baking cookies (though that happens only occasionally when I’ve checked off my endless to-do list). But the reality is that I often feel overwhelmed. Despite working, I find myself defaulting to being the primary caregiver for everything. The societal expectation is that we can seamlessly blend our roles as mothers and professionals, but the truth is — it’s incredibly stressful. How can anyone juggle all these responsibilities without losing their sanity?
During the school year, my mornings are a whirlwind: waking up, preparing breakfast, coaxing my kids to eat and dress, and rushing them out the door. Then, I dive into work until it’s time to pick them up. I’m “off” work until my husband comes home, but I often find myself multitasking, finishing up work while managing after-school care, dinner, and homework. After he arrives, I return to work to ensure I meet my hours.
I also manage the household and transport the kids to various activities and appointments, all while keeping track of countless school events throughout the year. As the go-to parent for sick days, I carry a heavy load. I remind myself that this is what I wished for; I’m lucky to have it all. Yet, it feels like too much. One person shouldn’t bear the weight of what equates to two full-time responsibilities, and it takes a toll on my mental and physical health. During particularly hectic weeks, when work deadlines loom and my kids are unwell, it feels like I’m on the brink of breaking down.
Navigating Family Dynamics
Although my husband is not entirely absent from our daily lives, he works in a demanding job that doesn’t allow for much flexibility. Recently, he shifted to a new position that we hope will provide him with more time to be involved with our children and share the household responsibilities, including the mental load. Like many families, we’re navigating the challenges of childcare and balancing work-life demands while striving for a healthier dynamic.
I don’t have all the answers. Finding help and ensuring my partner contributes is essential, but I also need to recalibrate my expectations. I’ve realized that I can’t be the perfect mother who fulfills every ideal. I’ve stepped back from some school commitments, and my kids may need to learn some independence so that I can catch my breath. The mantra of “good enough” has become my guiding principle, and that’s perfectly acceptable. Ultimately, my children will thrive best if I am a content and balanced mom, rather than one who is overwhelmed by unrealistic expectations.
Conclusion
In summary, the struggle for working mothers to balance professional and parental roles can be overwhelming. The pursuit of perfection often leads to stress and burnout, but adjusting expectations and accepting that “good enough” is sufficient can foster a healthier family dynamic.
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