During the week of July 4th, my children were with their father. I had been dreading that arrangement since we made it months prior, but I tried to pull myself together and make the best of the situation. Unfortunately, it didn’t quite work out as planned. Instead, I ended up lounging in my pajamas on the couch, getting lost in a book after some gardening.
Throughout the week, their messages rolled in, detailing all the fun they were having—jet skiing, camping, enjoying lobster dinners, and even dealing with a mysterious rash. I felt a pang of joy with every text, knowing they were creating unforgettable memories with their incredible dad, who is undoubtedly more fun than I am. It always brings a smile to my face to see my kids happy, regardless of the circumstances.
However, this happiness comes with a heavy cost. It breaks my heart each time they’re off enjoying themselves without me, especially during a holiday. Realizing they’re having a blast while I’m not there to share it is gut-wrenching. This is my new reality, and it’s hard to accept that I won’t be present for every birthday, holiday, or special moment anymore.
Holidays hit especially hard. They remind me of the dreams we had when we started our family nearly two decades ago—dreams of being together, always. Isn’t that what life is about? Although it wasn’t a major holiday, the pain still lingered. To cope, I immersed myself in a good book while wrapped in my pajamas; it was my only refuge.
When my kids are with their dad, I often try to fill the void by surrounding myself with friends and family, planning activities to distract from the loneliness. This time, however, I turned down all invitations. I didn’t want to see families walking together, celebrating in red, white, and blue. The thought of parades, sparklers, and splashing in the lake was too much to bear. Those were moments we once shared, and seeing others enjoy them felt like a heavy burden on my heart.
So, I chose what felt right for me. I didn’t want to pretend to be happy; I wanted to allow myself to feel everything honestly, hoping that would lead to some peace and healing. And it did. I know that as a divorced mom, I can still create new memories with my children, even if they don’t align with the actual holidays. This understanding, along with some much-needed self-care, helps me navigate this new chapter of my life. It can be rejuvenating, but it doesn’t erase the pain of being apart from my kids during important times.
It’s perfectly natural to grieve. You can create new experiences, only to find yourself slipping back into sadness. Healing isn’t a straight line; it’s a winding journey filled with ups and downs. The holidays seem to stir up all those feelings, bringing back memories and emotions tied to the divorce.
Through my experience, I’ve learned to honor what feels right for me on any given day. If you feel like celebrating, go for it. If solitude is what you need, embrace that too, knowing that your loved ones will understand. Whether it’s indulging in retail therapy or simply taking a quiet day for yourself, it’s okay to experience the holiday away from your kids and enjoy it—or to resent it. Both reactions are part of the journey. As long as you stay true to yourself, you will find your way through.
For those interested in exploring more about parenthood and family planning, check out this article on couples fertility. Additionally, for anyone considering assisted reproductive options, this resource on IVF offers valuable insights.
Summary:
Navigating life as a divorced mom can be incredibly challenging, especially during holidays when feelings of separation from your children can intensify. It’s essential to acknowledge your emotions, find ways to cope, and create new memories, even if they differ from past traditions. Everyone’s healing journey is unique, and it’s okay to both celebrate and grieve during this process.
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