The sentiment that we only have 18 summers with our children and that we must make each one special is a message that permeates our social media feeds. I can’t scroll through Facebook without stumbling upon this notion, and my inbox has received multiple interpretations from well-meaning friends. This summer seems to be the season when the internet reminds us that our time with our kids is limited.
We are all aware of this reality, so why the added stress? I’m a parent to two wonderful teenagers who, while we share a strong bond, are more focused on their friends and activities than spending time with me. My youngest still enjoys our company, which is a blessing. However, I can’t force my older kids to join me for walks or baking sessions anymore. The thought of them leaving home soon brings a wave of nostalgia, and I often wish I could rewind and cherish those fleeting moments more effectively. But even if I could, I doubt my efforts would yield much different results.
While it’s a fact that we only have 18 summers, the pressure to make every moment count can be overwhelming. Parents often feel burnt out. We sometimes allow our kids to watch TV while we unwind with a book or send them outside to play alone. Life can throw challenges our way, such as anxiety or depression, which may hinder our ability to engage fully. Juggling work and parenting leaves little room for summer vacations. For co-parents, time with children can be even more limited.
The challenges of motherhood are significant enough without the added pressure to make every moment magical. Statements like “enjoy every minute” can feel like an impossible task, as not every moment is enjoyable. A toddler’s tantrum in the grocery store? Not fun. A sassy tween arguing about screen time? Again, not enjoyable.
When faced with difficult emotions, we don’t need the additional guilt of feeling like we’re ruining our children’s childhood. Society often suggests that if we just try harder, our children will have perfect experiences. The reality is that we can’t control all the factors that shape childhood. We can offer love, support, and guidance, but we shouldn’t feel guilty for those days when things don’t go as planned. The pressure to make every moment count can make us feel inadequate as parents.
Many of us carry feelings of inadequacy while trying to raise our children. We’re not perfect. Our experiences in motherhood encompass both joy and difficulty, and that’s part of the journey. We shouldn’t feel ashamed of those emotions or pretend they don’t exist, fearing they’ll detract from our time with our kids.
Am I suggesting that we shouldn’t strive to create memorable moments? Absolutely not. What I am saying is that it’s crucial not to feel like a failure when time spent with your children isn’t as memorable as you’d hoped. Mistakes will happen. You might ruin a perfect moment by saying “no” to something you’d previously agreed to. Sometimes, you’ll choose to relax with a glass of wine instead of engaging. Your child may prefer their friends over family time.
And that’s perfectly okay. These moments don’t define you as a bad parent or paint your children as ungrateful. They don’t erase the wonderful memories you’ve created over the years, alongside the less-than-ideal ones. Importantly, the opportunity to make memories with your kids doesn’t end when they turn 18. Motherhood is a lifelong journey, and if your relationship is strong, you’ll continue to share valuable moments together for many years. Will these moments differ in depth compared to when they were younger? Likely. But they can still be meaningful.
As I reflect on the fact that I have only two summers left with my 16-year-old, I’m not rushing to make every second count. What we share may not be perfect, but it is filled with love and trust that transcends those 18 summers. For more insights on family and parenting, check out our blog on home insemination kits or discover resources on infertility for those considering starting a family.
In summary, let’s retire the notion that we need to make every moment count, especially during those 18 summers. Instead, focus on the love and connection that will last long after they are grown.
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