“Step aside, here comes another nanny!” a tourist exclaimed while guiding a group of teenagers off to the side on a bustling street in New York City, clearing a path for me and my child’s stroller. That moment, which I always dreaded since marrying my “fair-skinned” husband, had finally arrived. It’s a moment that many mothers of color with mixed-race children fear—the moment when assumptions about race and color reveal the persistent biases in our society. I found myself mistaken for my child’s nanny.
As an African-American mother, I had heard about this experience from friends with lighter-skinned children. Even a Filipino friend, raising an interracial baby, shared similar tales. With the abundance of Filipino nannies in New York, she too faced the same misunderstanding. There’s even a viral video of a British father whose mixed-race kids interrupted his serious interview, and many viewers mistakenly labeled his Korean wife as the hired help.
Mothers of color often share stories of these experiences, akin to how Black Americans recount their first encounters with racial slurs. While it may seem like a harsh comparison, it speaks to the underlying assumptions connecting a mother’s race with her social and economic status. For many Black moms like me, these assumptions are tied to a painful legacy of slavery and stereotypes.
I used to think this could never happen to me. I don’t fit the stereotype of a nanny (whatever that means). I have an MBA and am college-educated. However, the incident left me questioning myself: Why did she assume I was a nanny? What was I wearing? How many other times had I been misidentified while navigating the city with my child?
Now, about my “fair-skinned” husband. While he may appear white, his heritage is more complex; his father is African-American and grew up in a predominantly Black neighborhood in Brooklyn. Thus, while I don’t view him strictly as “white,” I was aware that our child could potentially have lighter skin, which might provoke those “is she or isn’t she the nanny?” stares in public.
In the end, my older child resembles me with her darker skin and curly hair, and it only took a second glance for that tourist to realize our connection. After looking from my daughter to me again, she said, “Oh, it’s a mom!” At that moment, I casually chimed in, almost like friends sharing a light-hearted conversation.
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In summary, navigating motherhood as a woman of color, especially with mixed-race children, can come with unique challenges and assumptions that reflect broader societal biases. These moments serve as reminders of the work still needed towards understanding and inclusivity.
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