I wouldn’t have realized the gravity of the situation if it hadn’t happened in such a public way, with a small pack of candy spilling from my son’s pocket onto the pavement as we dashed across the parking lot.
He had picked up a pack of Mentos—a treat I hadn’t purchased. The only items in my shopping bag were Batman shirts for a birthday party we were already running late for.
“Did you take those?” I spun around, grasping my son’s arm and leading us back to the store. My heart raced as I repeated, “Oh my gosh, did you really? You know I said no! What made you think you could just take them?”
“I saw them on the floor, so I thought it was okay,” he replied, confusion washing over his face.
“That’s just not true! You don’t take things from a store without paying for them. You know that!” I exclaimed, my voice filled with frustration. “If you do this when you’re older, it could go terribly wrong. Do you understand?”
Of course, he didn’t fully grasp the weight of my words.
I stormed into the store, dragging my son and his little sister behind me. Masking my shame, I approached the cashier. “We accidentally took this,” I admitted, placing the candy on the counter.
Her bewildered expression signaled that she understood, and we left. Yet, despite my intentions to uphold the consequences of his actions, we headed to the birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese’s. It didn’t seem fair for my daughter to miss out on fun because of her brother’s mistake. I made him sit in time-out for the first hour, but I knew I had to follow through with my plan. After the party, he would have to return to the store to apologize to the manager and security.
As we stood before them, tears filled his eyes. The young white men at the counter looked down at him with pity, as if they wished to assure him that he was just a child who made a minor mistake—something every kid does.
I spoke with my friends, both black and white, who shared their own stories of childhood mischief. They all agreed that I was right to discipline him, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that my reaction was rooted in a deeper fear.
In a more equitable world, I could rationalize my anger as a simple parental overreaction. However, I knew I wasn’t overreacting. The potential consequences for a child of color are far more severe. Just recently, a friend told me about her “chubby white teenage nephew” who faced no repercussions after being caught stealing. Would the outcome have been the same for my son?
I couldn’t shake the image of him, years from now, facing a store owner who might not show him the same mercy. The thought made me uneasy, conjuring a stomach-churning dread.
Instead of being angry at my innocent son for a typical childhood mistake, I realized I was furious at the systemic inequalities that still persist today. How is it that over five decades after Martin Luther King Jr.’s passing, parents fear for their children’s futures based solely on the color of their skin?
How is it that black parents still feel the need to give “the talk,” knowing one misstep could have dire consequences? And why do most white mothers not have to worry about those same issues?
Parenting can be exhausting and filled with stress, but navigating a world rife with double standards adds an entirely new layer of complexity.
This experience served as a wake-up call—one that showed me that these conversations about race and justice are not just necessary; they are essential for the safety and well-being of our children.
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Summary:
In navigating a situation where my son took candy without permission, I found myself grappling with the implications of race and parenting. While dealing with a common childhood mistake, I couldn’t help but reflect on the societal double standards that exist for children of color. My reactions were fueled not just by parental instincts but also by an awareness of the harsher realities my son may face as he grows. This incident highlighted the importance of discussions around race, justice, and the safety of our children in today’s world.
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