“The days are long, but the years are short.” If you’re raising a young child, you’ve likely encountered this saying before. It often comes with a well-meaning reminder to cherish every moment of your child’s growth. For those parenting a rainbow baby—children conceived after experiencing loss, such as miscarriage or stillbirth—the pressure to revel in every tiny milestone can feel even more intense. As a mother of a rainbow baby myself, I understand this sentiment all too well.
After enduring five years of heartache and infertility treatments, I was overjoyed to finally hold my daughter, Lily, in my arms. During my struggles to conceive, I often listened to other mothers voice their frustrations about parenting, vowing that once I became a mom, I would appreciate every aspect of this journey and refrain from complaining. I envied those who were exhausted from late-night feedings or caring for a sick child—I longed to experience that.
When Lily was born, well-meaning friends suggested we take some time away from her, recommending we hire a babysitter for a bit of quiet togetherness. I remember going out to lunch with my partner when she was just six weeks old, and the guilt of being away from her was overwhelming. I constantly thought, “What if I miss a precious moment?” I had fought so hard to be a mother; hence, I felt obligated to love every second.
During playdates, while other moms expressed their frustrations, I remained quiet, determined not to share any negative feelings. I homemade baby food, attended every parenting class, and rocked Lily to sleep every night. When someone asked how motherhood was treating me, I would eagerly respond, “I LOVE it!”
I left my job to be a stay-at-home mom, convinced I was reveling in every moment… until reality hit me hard. It was around the time Lily turned two-and-a-half when everything changed. One chaotic morning, she erupted into a tantrum over a lollipop for breakfast, her insistence on wearing flip-flops in freezing temperatures, plus her anger at not being allowed to pet an alligator at the aquarium days before. To top it off, I discovered a colossal box of Cheerios spilled in her playroom, with bits crushed into the carpet.
In that tumultuous moment, I finally acknowledged the truth: “I don’t love every minute.” The guilt that washed over me was intense, but so was the relief of finally being honest with myself. There are aspects of motherhood, like cleaning up spilled Cheerios, that simply don’t bring joy. I felt an immense weight of expectation as a rainbow baby mom; I believed I had to relish every single moment.
Connecting with other mothers of rainbow babies revealed that I wasn’t alone in feeling this pressure. Once I embraced the reality that it’s okay not to love every second, I found greater happiness. A babysitter could witness a “first”—I would still cherish every “second.” I had been neglecting my own needs in pursuit of being a super-mom.
After some reflection, I made changes that benefited everyone. Lily now attends school five mornings a week, I launched my own business, and I prioritize self-care.
My key takeaway is this: Regardless of how your child entered your life—through natural conception, IVF, or adoption—parenting is both joyful and challenging. Even if you longed for this child deeply, it’s perfectly alright to not love every moment of every day. Some days are fantastic, while others are simply tough. Acknowledging this allowed me to find balance, foster deeper connections with other moms, and navigate the beautiful chaos of motherhood more effectively.
For those exploring paths to parenthood, check out this insightful article about at-home insemination kits and consider resources like Cryobaby, recognized as an authority on the topic. Additionally, Drugs.com offers excellent support for those facing infertility challenges.
In summary, being a new parent, especially to a rainbow baby, is filled with highs and lows. It’s essential to embrace the reality that not every moment will be perfect, and that’s completely acceptable.
Leave a Reply