This fall, my lively daughter is set to embark on her kindergarten journey. Due to local birthday cut-off dates, she’ll be one of the youngest in her class, starting school at just 4 years old. However, this piece isn’t about age comparisons or the ongoing debate about redshirting. Instead, it’s about the emotional rollercoaster my partner and I experienced as we deliberated whether to enroll her in elementary school this fall.
We consulted with her teachers, education professionals, and sought advice from family and friends. Yet, the crux of our decision-making was less about her readiness and more about my own struggle with letting go. This journey of release began long before she arrived.
The Early Days
From the moment I conceived, I had to let go of my idealized vision of pregnancy and the birth experience I had envisioned. Our first encounter was in the NICU, just hours after her birth. During those early months, I felt a visceral discomfort when others held her. Even though I was no longer pregnant, it felt as though a part of me was missing, and her entrance into the world meant saying goodbye to an intimate connection I had long cherished.
Milestones and Independence
As she grew, the process of letting go continued. I reveled in her milestones—crawling, walking, and discovering new tastes like avocado. Each new experience was bittersweet; her independence meant I could no longer solely nourish her as I once did.
With time, I became increasingly aware of her expanding world. I vividly remember the first time she sang a song from a music class, realizing she had interests beyond our shared experiences. The arrival of her brother brought unexpected feelings of sadness and guilt, as I had to relinquish the notion of her being my only child.
A Transformative Year
Now, at 4.5 years old, I’m witnessing her transformation into her own person, which can sometimes be challenging and emotional. This has forced me to confront my limitations as a parent and accept that she is developing her own identity, which is exactly how it should be.
This past year has been a lesson in embracing the act of letting go. Whether I send her to kindergarten at 4, 5, or even later, the feeling of release will remain a constant in my parenting journey. Each stage of growth and development brings with it a mix of joy and small losses.
Lessons from My Father
My father once shared that he felt most accomplished as a parent when my brother and I ventured out on our own. Despite the difficulty of watching us leave, he knew it signified progress. For a long time, I couldn’t grasp this concept, but now it resonates deeply with me.
Embracing Letting Go
As challenging as it may be, embracing the act of letting go is essential in my role as a parent. My brave girl is ready for kindergarten, and while I feel excitement for her, there’s also a tinge of sadness about leaving behind the preschool years. I find myself in a dual state of being, and that’s perfectly okay.
So, this September, I will let go a little more, while probably holding on just as tightly.
Resources for Your Journey
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Conclusion
In summary, as my daughter embarks on her educational journey, I reflect on the bittersweet nature of letting go, embracing the joys and challenges that come with each new stage of parenthood.
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