When my son, Leo, received a mild autism diagnosis at the age of two, our developmental pediatrician reassured us that he would learn to socialize better over time. I diligently took notes as the doctor advised us to “cast a wide net” and engage with both typical and atypical children. I was encouraged to seek out community groups and activities. Watching Leo, who struggled to communicate and mainly parallel-played with others, I felt a mix of hope and concern—would he ever have friends?
As time went on, it became clear that the doctor’s predictions were accurate. Leo gradually started to engage more during social group therapy, learning to ask other children to play. He took great pride in stating his name and inquiring about theirs. The joy he felt while playing with peers was tangible.
Once he entered kindergarten, Leo often came home excited, naming the friends he had made. It was heartwarming to see him interact with one child in particular, and we were eager to nurture these friendships through playdates and shared activities. However, we soon realized that not all of Leo’s friends treated him kindly. Although they were generally good kids, they occasionally excluded, teased, or competed with him. This left Leo feeling confused and upset.
As parents, we often dismissed these incidents, rationalizing that teasing was just part of how boys played. When Leo expressed his sadness, we offered him strategies to stand up for himself. In our eagerness for him to maintain friendships, we overlooked a crucial aspect: his self-confidence and self-worth.
After a particularly distressing episode involving another child, we had a heart-to-heart with Leo. It became clear that having friends wasn’t enough; it was vital for him to choose friends who uplifted him. I shared an important lesson with him: we should never accept friends who don’t make us feel good about ourselves. True friends are those who play nicely, share, and don’t cause emotional distress.
Gradually, Leo began to approach me not to report negative experiences but to proudly share moments of joy, like having a snack with a friend. I hope to continue guiding him as he learns to forge positive connections and broaden his social circle.
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In summary, my journey of trying to socialize Leo has taught me that the quality of friendships matters more than quantity. We should prioritize connections that foster self-esteem and joy, rather than merely seeking out friends for the sake of having them.
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