Navigating the tumultuous tween years can feel like an uphill battle for parents. Just recently, we celebrated my partner’s birthday at a local garden, and our 11-year-old son, Ethan, was far from thrilled. He had his heart set on staying home to play video games with his friends, and his discontent showed from the moment we left the house.
With tears in his eyes, he protested the outing, claiming it was an injustice to have to celebrate someone else’s birthday. His mood soured further in the car when his younger sister insisted on listening to her favorite Peppa Pig songs, which only added to his irritation. Once we arrived at the garden, he declared it “boring” and “stupid,” dragging his feet and constantly asking for snacks and my phone. Each time I declined, his expression made it clear he thought I was being unreasonable.
Ethan is generally a good kid—he excels in school, his teachers appreciate him, and he even earned the “Friend to Everyone” award last year. However, the hormonal changes of pre-adolescence have made him more prone to mood swings and irritability, especially at home. Just asking him to feed the dog can elicit a look of disdain.
As the oldest sibling with two younger sisters, I feel the pressure even more. Many parents can relate to the experience of their pre-teens throwing fits over the smallest requests—whether it’s asking them to grab a glass of water or hang up a towel. I remember being that child and, looking back, I appreciate how patient my own mother was. It’s a wonder she didn’t leave me on the side of the road during those turbulent times.
At one point during our outing, Ethan sat beside a pond, visibly upset and refusing to budge despite my attempts to engage him. I decided to let my partner take the girls ahead while I stayed behind to talk to him. It’s a common struggle for parents to find the right words in these situations, hoping for that profound moment of connection. Unfortunately, there’s no parenting muse to guide us.
After some silence, I finally spoke up, reminding him that this day was about his mother and that we needed to show her respect on her birthday. I shared instances of how we’ve done things for him on his special days that maybe we didn’t enjoy as much. I thought my calm reasoning would resonate with him, but when I asked if it made sense, he simply shrugged and returned his gaze to the water, clearly uninterested.
Frustration set in, and I resorted to an ultimatum: “If you don’t start moving, I’ll take away your screen time for a week.” He shot me a look filled with resentment, but he finally got up and followed me. Then, to my amazement, we stumbled upon a pond teeming with enormous bullfrogs. Just like that, his mood shifted, and laughter returned to our family.
As I continue to navigate this challenging phase with Ethan, I realize that the tumult of adolescence can be likened to waves—constantly changing and unpredictable. Emotions can surge like tides, leaving parents guessing what comes next. Through it all, I’m working to support my son while keeping my sanity intact.
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