When it comes to parenting teenagers, one of the most impactful pieces of advice I ever received was from a close friend, who learned it from her father. Together, they successfully guided 11 children into adulthood, and their wisdom was straightforward: when life gets turbulent, DON’T ROCK THE BOAT.
Picture raising a child as navigating a canoe down a winding river. Some of us are paddling solo, while others have a partner by their side. Along the banks, we can see relatives and friends in their own canoes, some close enough to reach out to, while others are farther away. We all travel through calm waters and rough patches, encountering sunny days and stormy weather. And no matter how much we wish we could, we can never paddle upstream.
Every parent begins this journey in their own unique way, whether it was planned or spontaneous. Your experiences are just as valuable as anyone else’s. But here you are, ready to dive in; after all, you can’t learn how to navigate a canoe on solid ground, even if you’ve had a taste of steering someone else’s. So, you prepare diligently, researching various canoe models—do you prefer one with all the gadgets, or a simple sturdy option? After careful consideration, you choose the one that fits you best. Friends and family may even pitch in for paddles and life jackets. You’re set: let’s go!
The initial stages of this journey are filled with novelty. Your precious child rests in the canoe as you fumble to learn how to paddle with a passenger. Paddling becomes a bigger responsibility than it ever was before. As the waters become choppy, anxiety sets in, but eventually, calm returns, and the adventure continues. Time flies! One moment, you’re anxiously navigating unexpected waves, and the next, you feel like you have everything under control.
Before long, your child expresses a desire to paddle too. It adds to your workload, but you’re okay with that. You hand them a small paddle and let them experiment, even if you’re doing most of the work. You allow them to choose between a blue or red paddle each day, always ensuring their life jacket is secure. You let them take breaks when they tire after just five minutes, allowing them to explore the canoe and the surrounding beauty of the river. With fresh innocence, they help you see the world anew. When rough waters return, you take charge, knowing that the storm will soon pass, and a rainbow will emerge. These days are exhausting, but so rewarding.
Time passes swiftly, and soon your child is ready to try using a larger paddle, embarking on the journey toward independent canoeing. Their initial attempts at the J-stroke are endearingly clumsy. For some, mastering this skill comes easily; for others, it’s a long and challenging process. You may find yourself repeating instructions endlessly, facing tears and frustration, but you persist because you understand the significance of perseverance. It’s vital for them to learn responsibility, to make mistakes, and to try again.
When your canoe hits turbulent waters, you stand firm beside them. If they need a break, you’re there to support them. You’ll steer them through the toughest of times because it’s all worth it when they finally master a stroke or navigate around an obstacle. Their joyful shouts of triumph are music to your ears, and your heart swells with pride.
It feels like both an eternity and an instant. One day, you glance over and notice a young adult where your little one used to be. Soft baby cheeks and summer-scented hair have been replaced by defined cheekbones and new curves. Yet the sparkle in their eyes and that familiar smile remain! They’re becoming skilled at paddling, and all your hard work has paid off.
However, they now want to paddle solo. They believe they’re ready to navigate without your guidance. They might even try to seize your paddle when you aren’t looking. But you know better. You can’t let go just yet; the rapids are looming, and you need all the skills you’ve acquired so far.
As you survey the river, friends and family who may have been nearby seem distant, caught up in their own journeys. It might look bright over there, while dark clouds threaten your path. But you know that everyone faces their own storms, even if they aren’t visible from afar. You press on, knowing the canoe will wobble as you traverse the wildest currents. The key piece of advice rings true: DON’T TIP THE BOAT. If you lose your balance, your child may find themselves in the rapids, potentially without their life jacket. Allowing the boat to tip could mean they struggle to get back into the safety of your canoe.
So instead of fighting for control, you let them steer, even if their direction differs from yours. You compromise, listen more, and encourage them to share their insights about the river, discovering new melodies along the way that you once overlooked. You allow them to face challenges while ensuring they know you’re there to shield them from the storm, even when they assert their independence. You trust that the lessons you’ve taught them will guide them through.
“Hey, Mom,” they say. “Take a break. I’ve got this.” You smile, cherishing these moments of growth, but you never release your own paddle.
Before you know it, the time comes for your child to embark on their own canoe. They’re ready, or so you hope. With a mix of pride and anxiety, you watch them navigate to the next stretch of the river without you. Tears of joy and heartache well up as they disappear around bends, but you know you’ll be close behind, catching glimpses of their journey. Occasionally, they may draw alongside you, perhaps tethering their canoe to yours for a moment, but you’ll quickly cut that rope if need be. You savor these fleeting moments until the next encounter. Well done, Mom!
In summary, parenting teens is about maintaining a delicate balance as they learn to navigate life’s waters. By providing guidance while allowing them independence, you foster their growth and resilience, ensuring they are well-prepared for the challenges ahead.
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