“I believe parents of adopted children approach parenting differently.” Comments like this can be infuriating. I am the proud parent of one daughter through adoption and another by birth, in that order. While I may adapt my parenting style to suit their unique personalities, ages, and needs, it is never based on the fact that one is adopted and the other is not.
Do these casual observers think that adoptive parents are overly indulgent to the children we’ve longed for, enduring countless challenges to bring them home? Or perhaps they assume that we are more rigid with our adopted children, suggesting that we do not love them as deeply as those we gave birth to? It’s misguided to generalize an entire group of parents, who, like any others, carry their own experiences and hopes into parenthood. Yet, I must admit that adopting my first child has indeed reshaped my approach to parenting both of my daughters.
Here are four key ways adoption has influenced my parenting:
- Embracing Available Resources Unreservedly
I have no reservations about seeking out and utilizing every resource at our disposal. We’ve pursued evaluations for various therapies—speech, physical, occupational—without hesitation. For instance, since my older daughter spent her early years in a non-English-speaking country, she qualifies for English Language Learner (ELL) services at school. Although our situation isn’t typical, we gladly accept the extra support provided to help her thrive. Recognizing my child’s unique needs is essential, and as her mother, I am committed to ensuring she receives all the assistance available to her. - Acknowledging My Limitations
I don’t presume to know everything about my child or the factors influencing her feelings and behaviors. There is history beyond my reach—experiences that shape her in ways I cannot fully understand. The same holds true for my daughter by birth. Learning about the long-term impacts of trauma, especially through reading the experiences of adult adoptees, has deepened my insight as a parent. This awareness encourages me to ask questions and extend grace to both of my children, recognizing that I will never have all the answers. - Understanding the Effort Behind Attachment
At the beginning of our adoption journey, we received extensive guidance on fostering attachment. It’s important to recognize that with biological children, attachment is not automatic either; it develops through consistent responses to their needs. Parents of biological children should remember that building and repairing trust is an ongoing process that requires intentionality and reliability. - Discussing Diversity and Family Formation
Parents of biological children may not feel compelled to discuss topics like adoption, foster care, or surrogacy. However, it’s vital to address the complexities of family dynamics, ethnicity, and culture. I strive to equip my children to understand and appreciate the diverse ways families are formed. This preparation helps them navigate conversations about identity and stand up against any negativity they might encounter. I want my children to understand that love and commitment define a family, regardless of its composition.
In conclusion, becoming a parent through adoption has fundamentally shaped my parenting approach. By embracing available resources, acknowledging my limitations, understanding the effort required for attachment, and discussing diversity, I aim to create a nurturing environment for both of my daughters. For those interested in exploring more about family-building options, this resource provides valuable insights. Additionally, you can check out this informative article on home insemination kits, which is another important topic for those considering different paths to parenthood.
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