I’m 36 years old and married, and this year, I faced one of the most challenging moments of my life: I had an abortion. It was an incredibly painful experience for me, but despite everything, I firmly believe that Roe v. Wade should remain legal.
With concerns swirling about the potential confirmation of a new Supreme Court Justice, I feel anxious about the future of reproductive rights for myself and countless other women. I’ve always identified as pro-choice, and one key point often overlooked is that being pro-choice does not equate to being pro-abortion. No one desires an abortion, including myself, but I am immensely grateful for the access I had.
I chose to share my story anonymously—not out of shame, but to protect myself from the inevitable backlash and derogatory comments from those who might label me a “baby killer.” To those critics, I want to express that my abortion was both heartbreaking and traumatic. The ordeal was indescribable.
Nonetheless, I am thankful for the legal right to make decisions about my own body. My husband and I waited seven and a half years before trying to conceive. Unfortunately, we experienced two miscarriages within nine months—one at 11 weeks, after we had seen and heard the heartbeat, and another just shy of seven weeks.
Experiencing a miscarriage is indescribable; I felt helpless as motherhood slipped away. I often found myself crawling on the floor, overwhelmed by pain. After my second loss, tests revealed I have a chromosomal condition that increases miscarriage risk. We decided to pursue in vitro fertilization (IVF), allowing us to test embryos for abnormalities before implantation. On our first attempt, I successfully became pregnant again.
This third pregnancy initially felt like a dream come true. I battled constant nausea but felt blessed to reach my second trimester, believing I was carrying a healthy baby. We shared the joyful news with family and friends, but during the 20-week anatomy scan, our world shattered. The fetus had Thanatophoric Dysplasia, a lethal condition with no chance of survival outside the womb. After a second opinion confirmed this diagnosis, I was advised to terminate the pregnancy.
The term “terminating a pregnancy” feels like a euphemism for the difficult reality of having an abortion. In the days following the diagnosis, I was devastated. I spent hours in darkness, embracing my belly while sobbing. I even reached out to my parents, expressing my anguish about the first step of the procedure: stopping the fetus’s heart.
With miscarriages, the body naturally ends the pregnancy. This time, I felt the weight of responsibility for the decision. I was consumed with guilt, thinking about whether the fetus would understand my actions. My parents reassured me that this was an act of compassion, as there was no future for the baby inside me. They reminded me that I was being a mother in the hardest way possible.
Living in Texas, I faced some of the most stringent abortion laws in the country, where 93 percent of counties lack providers. Currently, there is a 20-week abortion ban. I found out about the diagnosis precisely at 20 weeks, and by the time I sought a second opinion, I was already three days past the limit. The urgency was overwhelming, as I had to navigate various restrictions.
The hospital affiliated with my OB-GYN does not perform abortions. To undergo the dilation and evacuation (D&E) procedure, I would have had to present my case to a committee—something I simply did not have the emotional strength or time to do. My husband and I opted for a private clinic, ensuring that fetal tissue could be collected and tested—a service not offered by Planned Parenthood.
Texas laws added layers of difficulty to an already painful situation. When I called to schedule my appointment, I learned about a mandatory 24-hour waiting period. I was also informed of a state-mandated website that I was not required to visit but had to be told about. The next day, as part of a three-day process, I was compelled to undergo an ultrasound and listen to the heartbeat of the fetus. The emotional toll of this procedure is hard to articulate, serving as a cruel reminder to a grieving woman.
Three days later, the pregnancy ended. I often think about what would have happened if my anatomy scan had been scheduled just a week later—I might have been too far along to obtain the abortion in Texas. I could have traveled to California, where I have family, but only because I have the financial means to do so. For many women, the cost of an abortion exceeds $3,000, a sum that is beyond reach for countless individuals. My insurance did not cover the procedure.
I’m thankful for organizations like Planned Parenthood, which strive to ensure women receive the care they need during such critical times. However, I worry about the future if Roe v. Wade is overturned or severely restricted. The prospect is unsettling.
As Senators begin their review of judicial nominees, I find myself questioning the fate of my rights. I am preparing to try for a fourth pregnancy, hopeful but cautious, knowing that unforeseen complications can arise. What options will women have if abortion access is curtailed? What about those who can’t afford to travel out of state for care?
Abortion is a deeply personal and traumatic experience for many women, despite what anti-choice politicians may claim. A significant majority of the country believes Roe v. Wade should remain intact, so why do a shrinking minority have the power to dictate the fate of my body and my life? It’s time for those of us who support reproductive rights to make our voices heard.
As the confirmation process unfolds, I commit to calling my Senators and urging them to protect our rights. If you stand with the majority, I encourage you to do the same.
For those exploring their options for starting a family, consider checking out this home insemination kit or learn more about IVF as an avenue for conception. Resources like the Cryobaby kit can also provide valuable insights into the home insemination process.
In summary, my experience with abortion has been the most difficult chapter of my life, yet I remain a staunch advocate for the legal right to choose. The challenges I faced highlight the importance of access to safe reproductive healthcare for all women.
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