Updated: Aug. 29, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 29, 2023
Dear Partner,
If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand about marriage, it’s that it isn’t always about love.
You’d probably agree that there are moments when marriage feels anything but patient or kind. There are times when I find myself questioning my decision to be bound to one person for eternity. It can involve clashing personalities and being irked by the same quirks that once charmed us. That off-key singing? It’s no longer cute; it’s more like an assault on my ears.
Sometimes, marriage means exchanging silent gestures of frustration when the other isn’t looking—or maybe even when they are. It involves concocting elaborate curses in our heads over the tiniest perceived slights. These are the moments when marriage feels frustrating, disappointing, and downright unfair.
Yet, marriage can also be something entirely different. At times, it feels like I’m submerged underwater, only to glance up and see you there, providing the breath of life I desperately need. It’s the look we share across a room that says, “I’m done with the world; let’s head home now.”
It’s witnessing our children achieve milestones for the first time, feeling a swell of pride that mirrors what’s in your heart. It’s an overwhelming love for them, even amidst their nonsensical antics. We can talk endlessly about their trivial activities and find joy in it because they are our little ones. Sometimes, it even means taking turns in parenting just to allow each other a moment to breathe—because wow, this can be tiring.
We share the sadness of our aging dog, knowing that the heartbreak we both dread is on the horizon. It’s those quiet evenings on the couch where we exchange knowing glances and loosen our belts—not for romance, but because we’ve indulged and now our full bellies demand relief (I admit, this is often more my issue than yours). It’s a beautiful freedom from self-consciousness during these moments of comfort.
Marriage is a tapestry of emotions, a blend of anger and joy, where we navigate peaks and valleys. We hear the echoes of resentment and contempt, but we choose to fight them off together.
While marriage and love may not always align, they intertwine, diverge, and sometimes fray like the threads on a beloved, well-worn blanket. I’m willing to share that blanket with you for as long as we both choose to stay, which I genuinely hope is for eternity. Just please, for the love of all things harmonious, spare me the singing.
With love,
Your Wife
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