There are certain expressions that our children utter that can leave us momentarily stunned. Statements such as:
- “Oops!”
- “Stop it!”
- “Mom, I didn’t mean to…”
- “I can’t wait!”
- “Uh oh!”
- “Be quiet … she’s coming.”
Last week, I added a new phrase to that list.
I often find myself hitting the snooze button instead of getting up early for a workout. My good intentions usually get sidelined, forcing me to squeeze in exercise in the evenings, right after dinner and right before helping my kids with their bedtime routines.
On one seemingly ordinary night, I was in the basement, ten minutes into my workout, when my kids joined me. My eldest daughter, Mia, had set up a mini obstacle course and was encouraging her sisters to “Jump higher!” and “Run faster!” They were bouncing around in their hand-me-down sports bras, giggling and radiating youthful energy.
After about twenty minutes, my middle daughter, Lily, came dashing over, out of breath, and proudly stated, “Look how much weight I lost.”
I paused, shocked, as the weight of her words hit me. “Wow! You look very strong,” I quickly replied, trying to pivot the conversation toward something positive. “That’s what I want to see.” She looked at her arms, shrugged, and went back to the course, satisfied by the exchange. But I wasn’t.
With every squat and leg lift that followed, I felt myself descending into a pit of shame. After finishing my workout, I went to my husband and declared that we needed to eliminate words like “big,” “fat,” and “failure” from our vocabulary.
“We have to stop discussing our weight,” I insisted. He nodded, washing dishes, clearly unbothered. “Spike just said she lost weight, and it bothers me. We need to focus on strength from now on. No more complaining about our bodies or how much we eat.”
Body image issues are a legacy passed down from previous generations, shaped by societal beauty standards and the quest for acceptance. Women have struggled with their self-image for decades, often relying on diets, pills, and fleeting trends.
Reflecting on my own upbringing, I recall my mother’s fondness for peanut M&Ms. In the evenings, she would sit on the floor with a bag of candies, watching her favorite shows, while I scratched her back. It was a harmless routine, yet now, when I reach for my evening treat of dark chocolate, my daughters often comment, “Be careful with the sugar, Mom.” They’re not being critical; they’ve merely learned from my habits and the mixed messages we encounter daily.
Despite my best efforts to promote healthy habits, I find my fears materializing through my children’s innocent remarks, like “Look how much weight I lost.” I’ve always emphasized nourishing our bodies, but it seems it hasn’t been enough. The patterns of self-criticism have seeped into their perceptions, and I want desperately to change that.
A friend shared that even her son, only six years old, has begun to comment on his “belly” and compare himself to his peers. At what point did it become so convoluted? I don’t remember worrying about my body until middle school, when insecurities began to take hold.
We all bear some responsibility for the narrative surrounding body image. I’ve been known to lament over second helpings or express regret after indulging. I attempt to balance this by sharing motivational quotes about embracing our bodies, but perhaps my approach is flawed.
How do we break this cycle? How can we teach the next generation that as long as they treat their bodies well and feel capable, they are doing wonderfully? It’s essential to instill pride and motivation instead of embarrassment or defeat.
Caring for oneself is a significant responsibility, made up of countless daily choices. As any wellness expert will tell you, our bodies keep score. We need to shift our focus from the overwhelming noise of dieting to appreciating the gift of our health and wellbeing.
I don’t have all the answers, but thanks to six simple words and the reflection of a child, I’m beginning to understand the urgency of this issue for our children. The change must begin somewhere, and it’s time to steer our conversations in a more positive direction.
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Summary
This article reflects on how children’s innocent remarks can bring awareness to the importance of discussing body image positively. The author shares personal experiences and acknowledges the generational challenges surrounding body perception, emphasizing the need to shift conversations from weight and self-criticism to strength and well-being.
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