Today marked the start of a new school year for my children. My eldest daughter was up bright and early at 6:15 a.m., buzzing with excitement for her return to class, her friends, and the joy of learning. Meanwhile, my twins—my son and my youngest daughter, who is transgender—were a bit more hesitant but ultimately ready to embark on their kindergarten journey. Having spent the last two years in preschool, they are familiar with morning routines and the experience of being cared for by others. The school they are attending is not entirely new to them either; they have been there alongside their older sister, familiar with the playground and already acquainted with the principal and some teachers.
I know this school community well. I am familiar with the faculty, the other students, and their parents. While I’m not a helicopter parent (at least not most of the time), I have taken an active role in my kids’ school because I advocate for inclusivity. My family is unique, with two moms, one of whom identifies as non-binary, and I have a transgender child, Alex. I am aware that our family stands out, but over the past year, I’ve had the privilege of collaborating with the principal to enhance the school’s environment, ensuring it is a welcoming and affirming place for LGBTQ families.
Just two days ago, we attended the annual back-to-school ice cream social, where families met their teachers and explored the classrooms. While there, my eldest daughter expressed a desire to sneak into her new second-grade classroom. I left my twins on the playground and joined her. As she settled into her new seat and traced her finger along the fish tank, I noticed a stack of books on the teacher’s desk. The top book was I Am Jazz, and the titles beneath it were all LGBTQ-inclusive or themed.
In that moment, I felt overwhelmed—not just because I had suggested a list of books, but because my input was acknowledged. Each teacher had received a budget to diversify their classroom libraries. My family is being recognized, and every classroom at this school is taking steps to ensure that every child, including my transgender daughter and my two-mom kids, feels included. We are being normalized, embraced for who we are—our identities, our traits, and our individuality.
Saying goodbye to each of my children this morning elicited different emotions. My eldest was ready, as was I. We shared a warm hug before I let her go. My son was also prepared but seemed shy and a bit anxious. I felt that nervousness too, but we hugged and parted. Then there was Alex, my transgender daughter. She was ready, yet guarded, taking in her surroundings and the new faces she would soon come to know. This cautious evaluation is part of her nature; it reflects her desire to discern who she can trust.
I was also on guard as I scanned the room, wondering who might challenge us or make our existence difficult. Who might focus solely on our differences and judge us harshly because of them? I hugged Alex tightly before letting her go, aware that I can’t be by her side every moment of her day or life. I want her to make friends, learn, and face her own challenges. I have worked hard to create supportive spaces for her when she stumbles, and as I left her in her classroom, I felt a cautious optimism.
She will thrive. I will manage. Yet, I am acutely aware that having a transgender child in the public school system is a significant responsibility. We often find ourselves as trailblazers, sometimes the only family in this position, setting a standard for those who follow us. I feel a sense of support, and I know she is backed too—but it would be naïve to think that love and acceptance will be our only experiences.
While I don’t harbor fear, I will remain vigilant. I expect positive interactions but will also prepare for any negative encounters that may arise. I must do this for her sake. I will wield my emotional scythe, carving a path that allows my daughter to lower her defenses. She deserves a life filled with openness and trust. All of my children deserve the confidence that they can believe in those around them, and we should all be able to assume that everyone is an ally.
Ultimately, humanity itself deserves to see my family and all LGBTQ individuals through a lens of acceptance. That view is truly beautiful.
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Summary: As a parent of a transgender daughter starting school, I grapple with both optimism and caution. Our family’s uniqueness is acknowledged within the school’s welcoming environment, but I remain vigilant about potential challenges. I strive to create a supportive space for my children, fostering their ability to trust and engage with the world.
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