I’m not sure if this is a common issue in blended families or if it’s just my own experience, but I’ve noticed a pattern when people introduce my family. Often, they’ll say something like, “I have four kids, but really only three,” or they might not mention one of them at all. This leads me to wonder why that is. Is it because she is my stepdaughter? Does that automatically place her outside of the count?
To those who make these introductions, I want to say: please stop overlooking her just because she isn’t biologically mine. Technically, yes, she is my stepdaughter. But to me? She is simply my daughter.
When I think back to my own childhood, I’d describe my family as having one brother and one sister—not a half-brother or half-sister. My dad, who is my biological father, never referred to my siblings in any way other than “his kids.” To him, they are his kids, and their children are his grandchildren, not step-grandchildren.
I recognize that not every stepparent feels the same way, and that’s perfectly fine. Each family situation is unique, and I respect that. For those who find it difficult, I understand that every relationship takes time to develop, and I hope you find that connection if it’s what you desire.
Now, while I didn’t carry her for nine months, and I can’t claim her gorgeous lashes or radiant smile—thanks to genetics from her dad and lovely other mom—that doesn’t diminish my love for her or my pride in her achievements. To suggest otherwise would undermine the experiences of many parents, including those who adopt or use traditional surrogates and donors to build their families.
Just as there are biological parents who are indifferent to their children, there are stepparents who cherish their stepkids as if they were their own. I proudly count myself among the latter group. So, when you talk about my family, it’s not necessary to say, “Emily has four kids, but really only three.” You can simply state, “Emily has four kids.”
The child you’re trying to exclude? To me, she’s just as much mine.
And about her passion for art projects and her peculiar love for ketchup piled on ketchup? I like to think she picked up a bit of that from me.
If you’re exploring ways to expand your family, consider looking into resources like the at-home insemination kit makeamom.com. For further information on options, check out NHS IVF, an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, every child in a blended family deserves recognition and love, regardless of biological ties. Let’s celebrate all our kids without exclusion.
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