My first encounter with a mean girl happened in kindergarten. This girl, whom I’ll call Sarah, was the daughter of my babysitter. She would belittle me, insult me, and falsely accuse me of things to get me in trouble. While I won’t disclose her real name, I genuinely hope she has matured since those days. It may seem improbable to those who have suffered at the hands of such individuals, but change is possible. I know this because, regrettably, I once played the role of a mean girl myself.
Although that period in my life was brief, it fills me with shame to reflect on it. What led me to act that way? At the time, I couldn’t articulate it, but looking back as an adult, I realize it stemmed from my own feelings of misery and insecurity.
My behavior was not about anyone else; it was a reflection of my internal struggles. I wasn’t just lacking in confidence; I was also dealing with sadness and anger. I’ve come to recognize this as a common experience among those who exhibit mean behavior. Meanness often arises from shame and insecurity. Regrettably, my actions during that time rank among my most significant regrets.
I want to shed light on what was happening in my life during those years—not to justify my behavior but to provide insight into the mindset of someone who was unkind.
My tumultuous journey began in middle school, a time when I felt lost and unsure of my identity. Ironically, I was also being bullied. Girls I thought were friends turned into tormentors, hurling insults and spreading damaging rumors about me. I was filled with insecurity and fear, questioning my worth and whether anyone genuinely cared for me—including my family and teachers.
In my misery, I projected negativity onto others who did not deserve it. I targeted individuals who seemed more vulnerable, knowing they were less likely to stand up to me. This behavior is despicable and shameful. While I didn’t have a specific target, I knew my actions were hurtful.
There’s no excuse for my past behavior. I was unkind and made fun of others, words I dread writing—it feels like I’m describing someone else entirely. Over two decades later, I am a firm believer in love, kindness, and acceptance. I’ve become a healthier individual, more aware of my identity and values.
I understand now that it’s common for those who are bullied to turn around and bully others, but comprehension doesn’t equate to forgiveness. I might never fully forgive myself, but I write this for anyone who has been a victim of a mean girl. Here’s my message to you:
It’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. The hurtful things they say are untrue—do not let those thoughts penetrate your mind. Their meanness stems from their own brokenness, misery, and insecurity. They may see something in you they wish they had, something they might never obtain. Even if they eventually recognize their mistakes, they may struggle to forgive themselves for their past behavior. Regardless of their reasons, you never deserved the way they treated you.
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In conclusion, reflecting on my past as a mean girl has allowed me to grow and understand the importance of kindness and empathy.
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