In reflecting on how my children perceive my relationship with their father, I realize how significant this moment is in their lives. Having recently gone through a divorce, they have witnessed both the joyful and challenging times we experienced together. As they grow into teenagers, they have a unique perspective on our history, recalling moments of happiness alongside the more difficult transitions.
Sometimes they express a desire to watch old family videos that capture happier times, while at other moments, they appreciate having two homes to call their own. Recently, my nearly 15-year-old son has voiced his feelings about not wanting to marry or have children, which I understand is typical for his age. However, I want him and his siblings to grasp some essential truths about love and marriage, especially when the reality of our divorce might cloud their views on relationships.
It’s crucial for them to recognize that what they saw between their father and me—both the good and the bad—was genuine. The initial thrill of romance and the belief that your partner can do no wrong eventually evolve into a deeper understanding of love. Being in love means embracing someone wholly, including their quirks and imperfections, whether it’s the sounds they make or their forgetfulness regarding household tasks.
Real love is about navigating through conflicts, whether it’s a harsh word spoken in anger, a forgotten anniversary, or a tough day that spills over into rudeness. It’s about being resilient and finding your way back to each other even when times get tough. However, I also want them to know that not all relationships can be salvaged—sometimes, despite our best efforts, it’s healthy to let go. Love should never feel forced or draining, and it’s important to recognize when a relationship no longer serves you.
Ending a marriage or relationship doesn’t signify failure. It’s a valuable part of life that can teach you profound lessons. Just because a relationship ends doesn’t mean you lack the ability to connect with others or that you aren’t worthy of love. Meaningful relationships may not always last forever; sometimes, people grow apart and pursue different paths. It can be a liberating choice to allow both partners the space to grow.
I want my kids to know that my relationship with their father was one of the most significant chapters of my life. We grew together, welcomed three beautiful children into the world, and ultimately recognized when to part ways before our marriage became detrimental. Despite the challenges, there was immense learning and growth, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
I don’t want my children to feel pressured to marry just because I went through a divorce, nor do I want to discourage them. What truly matters is that they remain authentic to themselves. They might choose to marry once, multiple times, or not at all. Regardless of their decisions, I hope they treat others—and themselves—with kindness and respect.
It’s essential for them to understand that true happiness can be found both with a partner and on their own. They should never feel less worthy for needing to make difficult decisions regarding relationships. What I’ve learned over the last few years is that the best thing you can do is prioritize your own well-being, even if it’s tempting to revert to familiar but unhealthy patterns. That’s the most important lesson I want my children to embrace.
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In summary, I want my children to learn that love is complex, often requiring hard work and compromise. Ending a relationship doesn’t equate to failure, but rather it can be a sign of growth and self-awareness. Regardless of their future choices, I will always support them in living their truth.
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