The Turning Point
In the spring of 2010, I received a diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder. My anxiety had reached a tipping point, and I knew I needed support. At that time, I lived in a remote area, making the drive to my doctor’s office nearly an hour long. Even on the way, I hesitated, unsure if I would reveal the depths of my struggles. The thought of discussing breakdowns and crying on my kitchen floor felt overwhelmingly embarrassing. At the end of my appointment, my doctor asked if there was anything else I needed to share. It felt as though she could sense my internal turmoil.
With a trembling voice, I confessed, “I don’t feel like myself, and I’m unsure how to improve.” As soon as the words escaped me, I broke down in tears, overwhelmed by a sense of failure and vulnerability. My doctor, compassionate and supportive, urged me to open up about my feelings. I explained how difficult it was to navigate daily life with a constant tightness in my chest and the threat of an emotional meltdown lurking around every corner.
She recommended starting on a low dose of medication while strongly encouraging me to pursue counseling. I now understand that her insistence on seeking mental health support was a rarity. In a world where pills often seem like the quick fix for everything, preventative measures are sometimes overlooked. Mental health requires a more nuanced approach than instant gratification can provide.
The Desire for Immediate Solutions
During my college years, I had tried therapy in an attempt to cope with my parents’ divorce. Unfortunately, I didn’t find a meaningful connection with any of the therapists, which led me to abandon that route. So, when my doctor suggested therapy again, I quickly dismissed the idea, saying, “I’ve already been there.”
What I failed to grasp is that therapy is often a process of trial and error. It’s not unlike dating; you rarely find the perfect match on the first try. Instead of giving therapy another chance, I opted for the easy route: a prescription for anti-anxiety medication. I was juggling a demanding job and planning a large event, leaving me little energy to pursue therapy. I made excuses.
Within a week on the medication, I felt “normal” again—more balanced and capable of managing everyday life. In my mind, that was all I needed, so I neglected to seek counseling.
However, the problem with quick fixes is that they rarely yield long-term success. Major life events, like my own divorce, experiencing assault, remarrying, and becoming a mother, made it clear that medication alone wasn’t sufficient. Surprisingly, even positive changes, like marriage and motherhood, shifted my anxiety levels.
Embracing the Need for Real Work: Therapy
While I navigated the significant events in my life with the support of loved ones, I continued to silently struggle. Discussing my divorce felt like admitting defeat, and sharing my experience of assault took considerable time. Even the idea of remarriage brought up worries from my past. Motherhood, while thrilling, also filled me with dread. As my family grew, my husband’s mental health began to falter, and I realized I had to rely on my own strength. Unfortunately, I lacked the tools to cope effectively.
Last summer, my anxiety attacks and nightmares became unbearable. I could no longer ignore them. The pressures of motherhood intensified these feelings, and any sound from my children sent me spiraling. With my husband focusing on his own mental well-being, I finally sought help, encouraged by him.
Finding My Path to Therapy
After a heartfelt appointment with my doctor, I was referred to a new therapist, along with a strategy to combat my anxiety attacks. In a matter of weeks, I met my therapist, who diagnosed me with PTSD stemming from my assault. Although it was another label I struggled to accept, having a professional in my corner was a relief.
Since our first meeting, I’ve navigated various challenges and discovered valuable coping strategies. Therapy has become the crucial element I needed not only to endure difficult times but also to thrive with anxiety and PTSD. I will always remember my husband’s supportive words: “Do you need to go every month if you’re feeling good?” I replied that I actually found joy in therapy, appreciating the opportunity to work through both my struggles and victories.
Months later, I mentioned to him that I might skip a month due to cost concerns. He promptly said, “We’ll make it work; you should go.” His unwavering support has been invaluable, and I am truly grateful.
No Stigma in Seeking Support
Unfortunately, seeking mental health support often carries a negative stigma. Some people equate it with weakness or luxury, but it is neither. If you’re struggling, you don’t have to face it alone. I wouldn’t be the woman, mother, or partner I am today without the guidance of mental health professionals.
There is no shame in discussing your feelings; in fact, it’s commendable. Prioritizing your mental health is one of the most important things you can do. Life’s other aspects will never hold the same value if you aren’t okay inside.
I’m a work in progress, and that’s perfectly fine. I encourage everyone to share their struggles. Motherhood is incredibly rewarding, but it can also be exhausting. Remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to feel overwhelmed. Talking through these experiences can offer tremendous relief.
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Summary
In conclusion, embracing therapy has been a transformative experience for me. Initially hesitant to seek help due to fear and stigma, I have come to recognize the immense value of working on my mental health. Through therapy, I’ve learned to accept my struggles, find coping mechanisms, and appreciate the journey. Remember, there is no shame in seeking support; it is a courageous step toward well-being.
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