“I thought you were a nice lady, but your tone here really surprises me. Maybe I was mistaken.”
This was a comment directed at me after I engaged in a lengthy debate in a local parenting group regarding the importance of teaching children about the LGBTQ+ community. Many parents were outraged at the idea of discussing non-binary identities and the existence of more than two genders, claiming that such topics are inappropriate for young children. Yet, these same individuals throw gender reveal parties and assign colors based on gender, all while denying their children exposure to anything outside their narrow definition of “normal.”
I find this infuriating, and I refuse to play nice. Numerous studies have shown that gender diversity is a reality, and individuals are born the way they are. Tragically, we see the consequences of intolerance: young people who identify as non-binary, gay, or transgender often face bullying, lack of support, and in extreme cases, they take their own lives. These aren’t just opinions; they are facts backed by statistics.
So yes, to that anonymous parent in my group, I admit it: I am not a nice lady. I don’t have the luxury of being pleasant when it comes to defending against homophobia and transphobia. The age of tolerating bigotry is over. I feel it is my duty to stand up against hate in my community.
I don’t seek validation as a social justice warrior, nor do I wish to be seen as a spokesperson for marginalized groups. As a white woman, I understand my privilege and the responsibility that comes with it. It’s essential that I engage in the emotional labor necessary to understand what that means in a society where many still face discrimination.
Having faith doesn’t excuse intolerance; I am a believer, and I firmly believe in the separation of church and state. My children identify as girls, but their identities may evolve, and it’s my responsibility to help cultivate a world that will embrace them no matter how they choose to identify. It’s disheartening to see fellow mothers unable to grasp this concept. When I say it takes a village to raise a child, I mean that we must all contribute to creating a safer, more loving environment for everyone. Sometimes that means challenging your own oppressive beliefs.
When a woman boldly expresses her convictions, she is often labeled a “bitch” or “rude,” while men are praised as leaders. It’s frustrating that when I share my perspective, I am deemed aggressive or bossy. You know what? I’m proud to be assertive. If my words make someone uncomfortable while they perpetuate harmful stereotypes about the LGBTQ+ community, I consider that a win.
As mothers, you should recognize your role in shaping a better world for your children. You brought them into a vibrant, diverse, and complex society and have the responsibility to help them navigate it. When you react with fear to the idea of your children learning about those who are different, you contribute to an atmosphere that can lead to self-harm and depression among marginalized individuals.
Revolution is uncomfortable, but it is necessary for growth. If you think I’m not nice, perhaps that indicates I’m on the right track.
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In summary, standing up for what you believe in doesn’t require niceness, but rather a commitment to integrity and compassion for all. Embrace the complexities of our world and work towards acceptance for everyone.
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