Updated: September 18, 2023
Originally Published: September 18, 2023
Feeling attractive while juggling motherhood can be a perplexing challenge. It’s ironic, considering that desire played a pivotal role in my journey into motherhood in the first place.
Recently, I spent a girl’s weekend away with my sister, and it reignited a spark within me. When I returned home, I felt empowered, alluring, and self-assured—only to have that feeling quickly extinguished after a day of parenting duties.
That’s when it dawned on me: being a mom often feels like throwing a damp blanket over my sexuality. This wasn’t a conscious choice, but it’s undeniably the reality I’ve faced, and it’s time for a change.
I don’t mean to suggest that my romantic life has been dull; things have been adequate. However, the vibrant confidence I once radiated has faded, and there were moments when I feared it might never return.
I’ve never been the stereotypical “hot girl,” yet before I became a parent, I carried a sense of confidence. I vividly recall being heavily pregnant with my first child while riding the Metro in Montreal; it struck me that no one was looking at me the way they once had. In that moment, I recognized that, despite not feeling like one yet, I was already perceived as a mother.
For the past few years, that’s how I’ve been viewed in public—a “mom,” often looking frazzled and worn out. I’m not suggesting that my self-worth hinges solely on external validation, but let’s be real: feeling desired can be a significant boost to one’s ego, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
There are valid reasons behind a drop in self-esteem and sexual confidence after motherhood. Stitches, weight fluctuations, skin issues, fatigue, and the physical toll of breastfeeding can all contribute to a diminished sense of attractiveness. Our bodies undergo a significant transformation, and with it, our hormones can throw our sexuality out of balance. Add kids clinging to you and sheer exhaustion, and it’s easy to see why many mothers struggle to feel sexy.
Timing is crucial. My recent trip with my sister came at an opportune moment: I’m a year post my final pregnancy, my hormones are stabilizing, I’ve been focusing on my physical and emotional well-being, and I’m no longer nursing. I was ready to prioritize myself for a change.
I can’t remember the last time I dedicated two hours to getting ready for a night out. Putting in that effort felt fantastic, and I genuinely felt attractive. Whether it was my own perception or not, I sensed others noticing me in a way that had been absent for years, aside from my husband. It was exhilarating.
This experience led me to a profound realization: perhaps others have seen me as attractive all along, but my own negative self-image clouded my perception. If that’s the case, then it’s not about how others view me; it’s about how I feel about myself. That’s a tough pill to swallow, but I’m ready to embrace it.
As I navigate this phase of motherhood, I want to acknowledge that if you’re not there yet, that’s completely understandable. The transition into motherhood brings significant changes to our bodies, minds, and identities, which can understandably affect our sexuality. However, when you’re ready, let’s remember that we can be nurturing caregivers while also embodying fierce, confident women. Embracing our sensuality doesn’t detract from our roles as mothers; rather, it enriches our lives.
For more insights into pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the Cleveland Clinic. And if you’re considering self-insemination, you might find useful information about the artificial insemination kits available on Make a Mom, including their comprehensive guide on the at-home intracervical insemination syringe kit and the BabyMaker Home Intracervical Insemination Syringe Kit Combo.
In summary, a weekend retreat with friends can serve as a powerful reminder of our innate allure and confidence. As we navigate the complexities of motherhood, let’s not forget that embracing our sexuality can coexist beautifully with our roles as loving mothers.
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